A word to the wise...



 I feel as though all I do now is get on here and write a blog about how I'm still here, I'm so busy, and I plan on writing more in the near future. Obviously I haven't fulfilled this goal of mine and obviously I'm here to write the same thing over again about still being here, being busy, and planning on writing more in the near future. I apologize to any of you (if there are any) who read this and have been waiting or have lost patience and have abandoned all hopes of me ever posting another blog. I hope in the very near future I will blog a lot more because God knows I have a shit load on my mind a lot that needs to be said. I will say one thing, I blog for me. If anyone takes anything away from what I write and uses it to their own benefit, that's awesome. I love helping people, relating to people, making people feel better and all that stuff... BUT I don't do this for people to go around having conversations about and make speculations. If you want to tell others about my blog because you think it's interesting and they should read it then by all means do so. But do NOT go around running your mouth about anything I say in here because you're "worried" about me or because you "assume" I said something that I didn't. I'm an adult and I think I have proven that time and time again as well as if you have something to say than you damn well better say it to my face. Nothing pisses me off more than people thinking I'm some little kid and when I say something "scandalous" my mom needs to be informed about it right away. Give me a fucking break. Everyone is more than welcome to leave comments (whether positive or negative) and I will respond. I will NOT tolerate people running their mouths about me without talking to me about it first. I have a huge problem with people who are too scared to confront me and go around letting gossip come from their loose lips. I know I'm talking in circles ranting and raving like a lunatic, but this shit has been pissing me off for some time now (basically since I started blogging). It's one of the main reasons I've been hesitant to write anything recently. Like I said before, I'm blogging for me. I love for people to read what I write whether you like what I have to say or not. But I don't need to feel as though I'm being judged for the things I say because I don't want to have to restrain myself from saying all the things that I want/need to say. If you think this is directed towards you, than that's your first mistake. Don't make assumptions. This blog post is directed to multiple people and the population in general. I hope y'all will continue to read my blog and that more and more people will start reading it as well.

I'm always going to be who I am...

...so quit trying to stop me.

Four Months...

First off I'd like to say that April is a very important month to me. It's Sexual Assault Awareness Month. So for many obvious reasons this means a lot to me and I'd like to thank everyone out there who puts in the time an effort to help fight for the cause.

Now with that said, I posted this a few months back (actually in April) but somehow it was deleted and only that first portion was saved. I'm going to keep that first paragraph there because it is important to me that that statement remain. Instead of redoing the month of April and then making one for May, June, and July, I have decided to make a group post combining all four months into one which will help me catch back up.

So, here goes...


ACCOMPLISHMENTS APRIL-JULY 2011

• Got myself a job at Radioshack
• Sold my first 3 cell phones
• Took my car in to get fixed
• Received closure over certain issues I've been dealing with
• Made new friends and reconnected with old ones
• I'm blonde again!

GRIEVANCES APRIL - JULY 2011

• Still haven't gotten my car back
• Need to sell more cell phones and service plans
• Haven't yet squashed all bull shit with family
• Not posting enough on my blog
• Still haven't received closure from a broken friendship

PLAYLIST APRIL - JULY 2011
I have discovered so much new music in the past four months that instead of writing down each individual song I'm going to simply write down the artist.

• Trace Adkins
• Jason Aldean
• Jason Derulo
• Katy Perry
• Blake Shelton
• Kelly Rowland
• Montgomery Gentry
• Prince

BIRTHDAYS APRIL - JULY 2011

• Erica, April
• Carolyn, April (Death in May)
• Mommy, June
• Jeffrey, July
• Aunt Dawn, July
• Dad, July
• Grammy, July
• Sean, July

(If I left you out of the birthday list, I apologize, I'm trying to remember for the past four months so forgive me.)

PHOTO MEMORIES APRIL - JULY 2011

Numb...

I feel numb. Literally, figuratively, all "ly's". Today has been a day of ups and downs starting with my pouring an entire cup of coffee down my stomach then trying to carry ten things at once and dropping my house keys before getting the door open. Things got better for a little while, I mean, it is my day off so there has to be some good to come of today, but then they went back to shit. I don't really feel like going into all of it right now because I am still a little too pissed off and I need to calm down before expressing my feelings through the written word, but yeah... Back to the numbness. In order to try and calm myself down and collect my thoughts I decided to go on a drive. I've explained in the past how driving helps me clear my head and ultimately make me forget the bull shit and relax. Tonight I went on a drive. In 57 degree weather with all the windows rolled down driving on the freeway in a tank top and shorts. As crazy as that all sounds, it definitely helped clear my mind. But also made me completely numb. I'm going to keep this post short and sweet because as I thaw out I'm starting to feel my anger build back up and I don't need that to happen again. There are so many things on my mind I haven't had time to sort through it all. I'm going to lose it pretty soon. With that said, I will definitely be posting some more rants and raves on here in the near future. (I know I said that a while ago, but I got busy with work. Yes, I actually have a real job. Crazy madness.) To those of you who still actually read this thing, thanks for being there for me through all my insanity and I hope y'all have a fabulous night!


Sometimes you are falling so slowly...

...you don't notice until you hit the ground.

How Long Gone...

Explanation coming soon...

Damn... it's been a long time. I'm not even going to go through the whole apology thing since I seem to be disappearing lately and reappearing weeks later. Things have been so crazy lately in my life that I haven't had any time or energy to do any blogging. But I'm back! I hope. I have so much to catch up on and I hope I can do so very soon. This is a pre-warning that some of my near future posts may have to do with things that have happened in the last few months while others may have to do with things that happened earlier this week. So stay tuned 'cause a whole shit load of blogs shall be coming your way very soon.

Thanks for hanging in there with me throughout this crazy journey we call life...

...Loves to all, Carolyn

p.s. Happy 4th to everyone! Hope no one got burned...

Congrats to the Grads...

It's scary how fast time seems to fly by the older you get. The last two weeks was spent going to graduation parties for my youngest cousins. It freaks me out that the youngest people in my family, two people whom I remember being born have now graduated high school. It's like a big smack in the face and a huge reality check to me that I'm not getting any younger. It brings about those "meaning of life" type questions for me and the "what the hell am I doing with my life" discussions I tend to have with myself in the wee hours of the morning. I'm so proud of my cousin Jessica for graduating and deciding to attend Fresno State and pursue her nursing dream. And I'm proud of my cousin Josh for graduating from Leigh (my nightmare of a high school) and attending the same lovely college as me. I love how completely different my two worlds are when it comes to different groups of family. Jessicas party was all about her friends and making sure the alcohol kept flowing while Joshs party was about family, food, and good times. I loved both parties equally in most respects, but I will admit that Joshs party won because of glowsticks. I LOVE glowsticks. I think all parties should at one point have a huge glowstick free for all for all the adults. Even though I'm not exactly where I'd like to be in my life at this point, I'm glad to know that I still have family and friends all around me that can continuously put a huge shit-eatin' grin on my face.

Yes, I'm wearing glowstick earrings, glasses, bracelets, necklaces, headband, and a wand.
You know you're jealous. hahaha.

Yay Josh!

The Grad Boy...

Janelle's adorable creations...
...and delicious.

Jessica cradling her baby, Jose.

The Grad Girl.

Bro v. Sis Beer Pong...
...it's on bitches.

Time passes by...

...people move on.

Photography Day Twenty-Nine... Look at me.

Today's pic: Something reflective. First thing that comes to my mind for something reflective is a mirror. This is a pic of Kristen taking a pic of partly the ocean in Carmel, but also of herself taking a pic of herself (never ending).

Good times...

Photography Day Twenty-Eight... Drive.

Todays pic: A car. I love cars. I find old hot rods beautiful. I hate Fords, even though I used to drive one, and I love Chevy's, even though I've never owned one. I would've loved to have used a pic of my Mustang, but I never took a pic of it before it was sold, I've already used a pic of my car that I have now, and I find the other two cars that sit in my driveway incredibly ugly. So... I thought I'd use the pic I have of Old Brown. My cousin Kristens old truck. She was in an "accident" last year. No one was hurt. She swerved off the road, hit a ditch, rolled a few times, and I'll just let the pictures speak for themselves...

I just thank God that she came out with ONLY a little road rash.

Photography Day Twenty-Seven... 'Tis the Season.

I love fruit. So when certain fruits are in season it's like a frickin' fat-kid-in-a-candy-store kinda day for me. On the way home from my cousin's grad party my mom and I were able to stop off at a few fruit stands on 152. The smell alone was incredible. I love stopping on 152 and anywhere near Gilroy because of the garlic smell. My absolute favorite being Christopher Ranch. But we ended up getting more strawberries. So beautiful. While my mom and I were getting strawberries my dad was at the store picking up doughnut peaches. Another fruit that is only worth eating when in season. This is such a wonderful time of year for my tummy.

Photography Day Twenty-Six... Round and Round We Go.

When I was little I used to collect Roly Poly's (sp.?). I had a big bucket that I'd put the little bugs in with grass and sticks and anything else I thought they needed in their new home. Today's challenge is supposed to be a picture of something round. I couldn't think of anything more perfect than a picture of a roly poly.

Photography Day Twenty-Five... Friends Forever.

Even though we've grown apart over the last few years, I still consider Nancy to be my best friend. We've been through a lot of shit together and apart but I've always been able to count on her. I wish I was able to see her more often, but growing up is sadly a part of life. I enjoy every time I am able to spend with her. She is one of the craziest, funniest, smartest, most loyal people I know and have ever known. Thank you Nancy for being such a positive impact on my life and the best friend anyone could ever ask for.

Nancy using me as a body pillow. Circa 2006

Photography Day Twenty-Four... Patterns.

Todays challenge is supposed to be a picture of an interesting pattern. I'm not sure how interesting this pattern actually is especially in comparison to the reason for why I took the picture to begin with. Long story short, there was a Grad party, lots of booze, and I had my camera phone. (Another reason why I haven't posted anything lately since I've been out of town). But anyways... Back to the pattern...

Photography Day Twenty-Three... In the Dark.

Today is supposed to be a picture taken at night. I recently bought a new phone and for some reason it has night vision. When I get really bored at night I take random pictures to pass the time. I really amused myself with this picture so I hope you also find it amusing. Hell, I'm an only child so amusing myself comes pretty easy to me...



The Bat Signal

I have a batman magnet that just happened to be sitting on the floor. Oh what fun...

Photography Day Twenty-Two... Num Yummy.

Shrimp salad. Enough said. The picture explains it all...

Delicious is only the beginning...

Photography Day Twenty-One... Stranger Danger.

Um. Today is supposed to be a picture of someone I don't know. I know there is a way to do this artistically and make it look all pretty and shit, but to me it's just creepy and I don't want to look as though I'm stalking someone taking a random photo. So I'm going to go the relative route. When you think about it, how well do you really know someone? You don't. So with that said I decided to take a picture of someone I do "know" but yet is still a mystery all the same...

Jonny passed out. Fucking stoner...

Using a picture of Jonny was the more than obvious way to go for me. We were together for over 2yrs, I've known him since I was 16, and yet there has never been someone to surprise me as much as he has. And not in a good way. Like I said, how well do you really ever know someone?

Photography Day Twenty... And these are a few of my favorite things.

I have a lot of things that I love and cherish and consider to be my favorite. But the things that I love and cherish that have the most meaning to me would be my salt and pepper shaker collection. They belonged to my Aunt Buddy (R.I.P.), so not are they only cute to look at, but they bring back wonderful memories of better days passed.

Photography Day Nineteen... Strawberry Fields Forever.

I was lucky enough to drive by a strawberry stand on my way home from Gilroy and pick up these amazing fresh-picked strawberries. That is why I decided to use them for todays picture of something Red. They are so freaking delicious it's insane. I love strawberries and I wish they were in season year round, but sadly they aren't. Today I was able to enjoy fresh strawberry poundcake (yes POUNDcake, not shortcake) and tomorrow I plan on making the incredible sourcream and brown sugar dipping sauce. Oh man, my mouth is watering just thinking about it.

Photography Day Eighteen... Up Above.

The Sky is today's picture objective. I took a few photos of the sky on my way home from Gilroy. It was the perfect day for clear beautiful blue sky pictures.

Photography Day Seventeen... Time passes on.

Today's photo. A clock. I chose a picture of a clock that's not actually a clock. It's a picture of what I hope to be my next sewing project. Plus it's totally bitchin'.

Photography Day Sixteen... ABC's.

Today is brought to by the letter L. Okay, for real, today's challenge is supposed to be of letters (not mail). I though long and hard about this because I guess I just don't have the artistic photographic gene in my DNA and I'm apparently not that great at coming up with awe-inspiring things. But hey, I'm doing my best and having fun with it. So for today I chose pictures of some of my tattoos. They have letters that symbolize relatives who have either passed or as a general I-love-you-so-I-permanently-embedded-my-body-with-a-foreign-substance.

First off, I'm not racist. This has nothing to do with the lighting bolts that the German officers had. These two S's represent both of my parents last names and some other family members. Still, Selvage, and Serritslev.

My very first tattoo. I got it in honor of my Uncle Larry (RIP). It still isn't yet finished but it serves it's purpose for now.

Photography Day Fifteen... Water.

Surprise, surprise, it's another picture of the beach. But when I'm told to take a picture of water how can I help myself. I frickin' love the beach! And it's another picture of Capitola water. Beautiful.

Photography Day Fourteen... View from above.

If ever I have to look down upon something I want it to be the ocean. It's beautiful for so many reasons, but the most beautiful in my opinion is the immensity of it. It goes on and on forever. While that can be an incredibly scary thing, it's also amazing and thought provoking. At least to me. The ocean is a place where I can always go to clear my head and forget all the bull shit that I've left behind in the valley.

Looking down over the cliff in the backyard at the Capitola beach house...

Photography Day Eleven Revisited... The Door to Hell.

I know that I already did a picture for today, but while I was at the hospital today sitting in the waiting room I decided to pass the time by reading a magazine. In this magazine there was a picture of a gas crater. To be more specific it's the Darvaza gas crater. This thing is amazing! I think it's so amazing that I had to do another picture for day 11. It is commonly known as the "Door to Hell" and it's location is not easy to get to. If you haven't read about this crater you should because it's a pretty interesting story. It's hard to believe that the fire has been lit for over twenty years. 

Photography Day Thirteen... Home is where the heart is.

A picture of my favorite building. That would be my house. My home. The place where I grew up and intend to raise my children. It may not look like much from the outisde, but you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover.