Four Months...

First off I'd like to say that April is a very important month to me. It's Sexual Assault Awareness Month. So for many obvious reasons this means a lot to me and I'd like to thank everyone out there who puts in the time an effort to help fight for the cause.

Now with that said, I posted this a few months back (actually in April) but somehow it was deleted and only that first portion was saved. I'm going to keep that first paragraph there because it is important to me that that statement remain. Instead of redoing the month of April and then making one for May, June, and July, I have decided to make a group post combining all four months into one which will help me catch back up.

So, here goes...


ACCOMPLISHMENTS APRIL-JULY 2011

• Got myself a job at Radioshack
• Sold my first 3 cell phones
• Took my car in to get fixed
• Received closure over certain issues I've been dealing with
• Made new friends and reconnected with old ones
• I'm blonde again!

GRIEVANCES APRIL - JULY 2011

• Still haven't gotten my car back
• Need to sell more cell phones and service plans
• Haven't yet squashed all bull shit with family
• Not posting enough on my blog
• Still haven't received closure from a broken friendship

PLAYLIST APRIL - JULY 2011
I have discovered so much new music in the past four months that instead of writing down each individual song I'm going to simply write down the artist.

• Trace Adkins
• Jason Aldean
• Jason Derulo
• Katy Perry
• Blake Shelton
• Kelly Rowland
• Montgomery Gentry
• Prince

BIRTHDAYS APRIL - JULY 2011

• Erica, April
• Carolyn, April (Death in May)
• Mommy, June
• Jeffrey, July
• Aunt Dawn, July
• Dad, July
• Grammy, July
• Sean, July

(If I left you out of the birthday list, I apologize, I'm trying to remember for the past four months so forgive me.)

PHOTO MEMORIES APRIL - JULY 2011

Day Twenty-Nine... (Smile)

3/17/11 Driving through Los Gatos with Glowsticks

This picture makes me smile because, honestly, who doesn't love glowsticks? This was taken after my cousin's 18th birthday party and I decided to go driving through downtown Los Gatos at 11pm. We had glowstick bracelets, necklaces, anklets, hats, balls, and an earring that I made. A totally great night. One that I'll never forget.

"Life is something that everyone...

...should try at least once."

Henry J. Tillman

Day Twenty-Five... (My Day)

3/13/11 The amazing Margaritaville Blender

So I was so completely excited for this day. It was supposed to be a picture of your day, and it just so happened to land on my birthday. However, I lost almost all the pictures from my birthday because I accidentally (no matter what others are saying) flushed my phone down the toilet at Applebees before transferring my pics to my computer. Now, when I say I flushed my phone, I mean I FLUSHED my phone. It didn't just fall in the toilet and float. No, no. It went down the toilet into the drainage pipe and wherever toilet water goes from there. So sadly I only have a few pics from my wonderful 24th birthday. But it'll be a day I'll never forget.

"It takes a long time...

...to grow young."

Picasso

A.W.O.L. ...



Inside a hot-air balloon. Why? 'Cause it's amazing...



So I have performed a disappearing act lately. I have fallen far behind on my 30 Days posts and all other random things I normally talk about and I would like to apologize for my absence (not only to the few who read this blog, but also to myself for allowing all of my emotions and thoughts to once again bottle up inside of me. Things have been crazy lately with my birthday, the flushing of my cell phone down the toilet, and studying for finals. I promise to return shortly, and will be updating my 30 Days posts. (I'm what, seven days behind?) Hope everyone is doing well and enjoying this insanely awesome sunny then rainy weather (at least here in the Bay).

Do not fear that your life may end...

...fear that it may never begin.

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to...

24yrs ago...

Well, it's my birthday. I am now officially 24 years old. Kinda freaking out a little. I feel as though I should have so much more accomplished, but I guess it will all fall into place when it's supposed to. I plan on spending today with my amazing family, having lunch with my wonderful mommy and my awesome Aunt Dawn, then drinking pina coladas with my mom and playing card games. Sadly I will have to finish the night with homework and I'm losing an hour thanks to daylight savings, but I will have an awesome day none-the-less. So happy frickin' birthday to me!

24(ish)yrs later...

(I will probably expand on this post later, but I am dead tired from working all day so I apologize for my lack of enthusiasm.)

One Wish...

I used to watch home videos all the time. It was one of my favorite things to do. Especially when I wasn't going to be seeing my family until the next holiday.

I haven't watched a home video since Aunt Buddy died. I found it up in a cabinet I was cleaning and decided to pop it into the VCR just to see exactly what it was. It's starts with the year of 1990.

My family was big on taking pictures and filming random moments and especially holidays. As I'm sitting here I can't stop crying. I'm not really a cryer, so this isn't normal behavior for me nor do I know how to deal with it well.

I know I've brought this up and mentioned it before without going in to great detail, but I miss my family so much. The dead and the living. Two days ago (March 3rd), marked the 17th anniversary of my Grandma's passing. The first one in my family (for my generation) to leave us. So my emotions may be running a little high right now or I'm simply finally giving into the pain I've been feeling for so long now. I wish things would go back to how they were. When everyone was happy and together and all you felt was love and compassion; like a real family ought to. I guess that's just too much to ask for now with all that has happened.

My birthday is coming up. 8 days and counting. I'll be 24. 17yrs ago my world was flipped upside down when my Grandma died. About another 10yrs later my Uncle was taken away from this place by a drug overdose (if that's not bad enough his body was discovered in a ditch up on Hicks Rd.) In 2004 my Uncle Larry passed. He was my best friend; but that's a story for another day. In 2005 one of my dear friends took his own life by hanging himself. He was only 19. In 2009 my Aunt Buddy died through no fault of her own. Within my (almost) 24yrs on this earth I have seen these people (plus a few more) come in and out of my life. The pain is unbearable.

On March 13th I will be 24yrs old. My one wish I'm going to make when I blow out those candles is I hope one day I will again feel that love and compassion once more and hopefully remember what being a family is all about.

It's never something you get over...

...It's just something you learn to live with.

February is merely as long as is needed to pass the time until March...

 

 

Alright, well the time has come to post the events of the past month. Don't want to forget those things that happened that continue to help me grow and make me who I am. Plus all the good music I find myself listening to these days...

 

Playlist of February 2011

 

• Be Yourself - By Audioslave
• Fray - By Staind
• Cold One Comin On' - By Montgomery Gentry
• Cumbersome - By Collective Soul
• Quicksand - By Bethany Joy Galeotti
• Moving On - By Rascal Flatts
• In the Ayer - By Flo Rida f. Will I Am
• Son's Gonna Rise - By Citizen Cope

 

Shows of February 2011

 

• Gilmore Girls
• E.R.
• One Tree Hill
• The Cosby Show
• Weeds

 

Movies of February 2011

 

• Red
• The Losers
• Killers
• Date Night
• The Expendables
• Conspiracy Theory
• Fatherhood
• Demolition Man

 

Accomplishments of February 2011

 

• Joined http://www.goodreads.com/ and joined a few book clubs on there...
• Set a goal of reading at least 2 books a month...
• Getting good grades so far...
• Keeping up with daily tasks...
• Still continuing my move...
• Moved on and passed things and people...
• Obtained better control of my temper...
   

 

Grievances of February 2011

• Family issues (still)
• Broken heart
• Drama that doesn't concern me
• Dealing with past deaths
• Still haven't finished moving

 

Birthdays of February 2011

• Camilla
• Max
• Josh C.

 

Goals/Plans for March 2011

 

• Celebrate my own birthday (24)
• Remember the loss of a loved one loved ones
• Continue getting good grades
• Read whenever I can
• Keep working so I can fix my car by summer
• Don't sweat the small stuff

 

Photo Memories from February 2011

The card I made for Max when I was bored at the store and was given Sharpies...

My "half" of the money that Max won in Vegas when I told him to bet on Black 13 for me...

After having washed my hand three times from helping my dad snake the drainage pipes...

Amazing Lava Flow...

My "house" with almost everything moved out; The infamous hole from where I threw Jonny at the wall; and
Chelsea's part of the wall where she wrote down all of her favorite sayings...

 



My Uncle Larry. May you Rest In Peace...



 

"Winter is natures way of saying...

 

..."up yours" " -Robert Byrne

Happy Birthday



/

Happy Birthday
10/19/1944-10/26/2009



66yrs ago you were born. 65yrs and exactly one week later, you were 'taken away.'  I say 'taken away' because that's how it feels.
It feels like my heart has been taken away...
It feels like the meaning of life has been taken away...
It feels like you've been taken away...

I thank God everyday for the ability to remember...

...to remember you as not only an aunt, but as a person, a friend, and a loved one.
...to remmber holidays at your house, painting easter eggs, dancing around the christmas tree, eating thanksgiving food, and the infamous drunken New Years Special Olympics Hippity Hop Showdown
...but most of all the ability to remember your smile, your laugh, your smell, your kindness, your heart, and the love I feel everytime I think about you

Even though you were 'taken away', the 22 1/2 years I had with you can NEVER be 'taken away.'

Happy Birthday Aunt Buddy...

...and many more