February 28, 2011

Day Eleven... (Hatred)

Today's picture is supposed to be of something I hate the most. Well, the thing I hate the most is hate. And love. I was raised to never say hate. Because it's a very strong and hurtful word. That may be true. But what most people don't realize is that in order to hate something/someone, you must love that something/someone also. You can't hate something/someone without having some kind of emotional attatchment. Hate requires passion, just like love does. And that just pisses me off. There is only one person in this world that I absolutely hate with a fiery passion. (There's that word again. Passion.) There are a few people who I have no emotional feelings towards. Those feelings are so far beyond hate, it can't be expressed. Those people have been deemed as worthless in my mind. But I hate hate and love. They are such intense emotions whether good or bad. This may be incredibly cynical of me but i'm just keeping shit real. Don't get me wrong, I love love, but I hate when it breaks your heart into a million little pieces so many times the pieces are too small to pick back up.

Day Ten... (Messed up)

I have gotten rid of all of my friends. It's sad sometimes, but in the end it was definitely the better choice. I used to do a lot of crazy and mostly illegal things. I basically lived the rock star life of sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. I have probably met every police officer in Santa Clara County, (I have NEVER been arrested nor do I have any sort of record expunged or otherwise), and with where I want to end up in life, the choices I was making just weren't working for me. The person I did the most messed up things with was Jonny. Hands down. Ever since he has left my life I no longer get into trouble of any kind, I no longer meet law enforcement officers for being in trouble, and everything I do is legal (except for maybe downloading music illegally every now and then). I miss the way my life used to be, I miss the parties and the excitement and never knowing what was going to happen from one minute to the next, but I for sure as hell am glad that I got away from all of that shit. No one thought that I could do it. No one wanted me to do it. I used to be a good person and I'm so glad that I found my true self again.

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do...

...but to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's the true strength."


February 26, 2011

Day Nine... (Got my back)

Wedding Day August 2, 1975

Day nine is supposed to be a pic of the person that has always been there for you. I like to think that my mom and I have a "Gilmore Girls" type of relationship in reverse. Basically I tell her EVERYTHING and vice versa. My mom has been there for me through everything. I respect her and love her more than anyone or anything else in the entire universe. I don't know what I'd do without her. Thank you mommy!

Mom and I in Hawaii. Circa 1989.

Yes, I may almost be 24yrs old...

...but I still call her mommy.

February 25, 2011

Day Eight... (Funny Pic)

So I narrowed it down to two pictures. Obviously. This was another hard "day" because there are sooo many funny pictures that have been taken in my lifetime. My family is full of humor, and we definitely love capturing those moments.

The first picture is of my cousin Kristens "surfer boy watching chair". When we were in Capitola at the beach house my cousin would get up nice and early in the morning, go out back, sit on the chair, grab her binoculars and watch the hot surfer boys out in the water. It's a good memory of fun times in the summer, at the beach, and with family. Plus it's just funny that my cousin would have a specified chair for such viewing pleasure.

The second picture is of my dad back in the day. I think it's from the 70's, but I could be full of shit. If anyone knows my dad, you know that he lacks what my mom and I consider to be any sense of humor what-so-ever, so this picture is funny for so many reasons.

I hope you enjoyed my "funny" pictures...

...I know I sure do everytime I look at them.

February 24, 2011

Day Seven... (Treasured Item)

My most treasured item is my high school diploma. For most people high school is the easiest time in their lives. For me, it was the worst/hardest. People were surprised that I actually graduated. It was never a question of my not being smart enough (I went to private school for 11yrs for craps sake). It was more of a social thing and the fact that I refused to go to school and ended up getting expelled from Leigh halfway through my Junior year. I ended up being sent to Boynton where I enrolled in ISP (Independent Studies Program). That was the best choice I had ever made in my life. There is a long story behind my entire high school career and everything that happened, so to keep this short, my high school diploma is my most treasured item because it's something that can never be taken away from me. I received my diploma on my own without any help from anyone. It was a huge accomplishment for me back then and it'll be something that I can take with me literally and metaphorically for the rest of my life. 

February 23, 2011

Day Six... (Trading Lives)

If I could trade places with someone for a day I would choose Bethany Joy Galeotti. I admire her for so many things. Besides her beauty, she is an amazing actor, singer, and all around real person. Of course I've never met her, but I follow her blog and watch One Tree Hill religiously. Based on the way she carries herself, she seems like an ordinary down to earth kinda girl with a big heart who just lives life the way she wants. Plus her husband is gorgeous and they just had their first baby girl, Maria. Congrats you two! (I'm totally jealous since I myself can't have babies).

So here's to you Bethany Joy Galeotti...

...thanks for being such an inspiration. 

February 22, 2011

Day Five... (Favorite Memory)

This is one of my favorite memories. Every summer the whole family would get together down south at my Aunt Connie's house and have a huge famly reunion. I have never had a better time in my entire life. It's when all of my famly was still alive, there was no family drama or disloyalty, we were young and having the time of our lives. These are memories that can never be taken away from me, regardless of how fucked up certain people turned out to be. That's me in the pink innertube, Jason floating by himself, and I'm pretty sure Uncle Larry (might be Uncle Lee) about to land on his back in the pool. Ow. I miss him so much. But that's just what makes this an  even better memory.

I wouldn't be able to recognize the good times...

...if I had never had to deal with the bad.

February 21, 2011

Day Four... (Favorite Night)

I have had many amazing nights throughout the past (almost) 24yrs of my life. A lot of them were when I was either high or drunk or doing something incredibly stupid. I don't lie about who I was or what I did. I have no regrets. The person I was made me the person that I am today. But my favorite night, out of all the nights I've had, would have to be the night that I finished "The Rose". This took me around 6-7 years to complete. It's something that only I did. On my own. I wasn't high, I wasn't drunk, I wasn't hanging around stupid people dealing with nothing but drama. I was alone, happy, and caught in a world where nothing could go wrong. I felt accomplished and elated to have completed something that I literally poured my blood, sweat, and tears into. For this, the Day Four Picture (My Favorite Night), goes to the night I finished my sewing project.

February 20, 2011

Day Three... (Fave)

This one was a little hard, but definitely not for the same emotional reasons as yesterdays. I have too many favorite shows and having to choose was very difficult. I narrowed it down to two, and that's the best I could do.

The first...

One Tree Hill. I love this show. I know it's a silly teenage drama, but a lot of the things in this show ring true in my life and things that I've gone through and things that I'm going through. Somehow this show always makes me feel better. And the kick-ass music is amazing.

The second...

Law and Order: SVU. I think it's pretty obvious why I'd choose this. It depicts exactly what I want to do with my life. Even though it's TV and it's not reality, this show rings true for me. I am totally in love with Christopher Meloni and I envy Mariska Hargitay and her character Det. Olivia Benson.

February 19, 2011

Day Two... (Closest)

This was the hardest day out of the 30 in my opinion. The assignment is to post a picture of the person you've been closest to the longest. The problem with that is the person I've been closest to the longest is either dead or dead to me. A lot has happened over the past few years. The death of a family member more often then one would believe, the loss of a best friend due to unforseen circumstances, and the betrayal of my closest family that can never be forgiven, and some relationships that have just faded away over the years. Other than my mom (and sometimes my dad) my good friend Nancy (from high school) would have to be the closest person to me. Her and I had some major ups and downs over the years, mainly because of me, but in the end she has always been there for me. For this I will always treasure our friendship.

My dad and I. Teaching me Giants are #1

Nancy using me as a pillow after playing Marvel V. Capcom for 10hrs straight.

Me, Ashley, Jason, Kristen

Me and Jason

Elliot, Me, and Jonny

Ashley and Me

So here's a look at some of the people that have come and gone (very few have stayed) closest to me in my life. I don't have any pictures of my beautiful mother with me on my computer, so that's the only reason she's being left out and I hope she will forgive me for that. Sorry Mom! Even though most have come and gone, I wouldn't trade those precious moments for anything. The good and/or the bad. All the moments in my life have made me who I am today. And I don't regret any of it.

So thank you for being a part of my life...

...even if only for a minute.

February 18, 2011

Day One... (Me)

My good friend Brianna started doing this 30 day picture challenge on Facebook. I thought it sounded like something fun to do, and would definitely help pass the time when I have nothing else going on. I'd rather do it on my blog than on Facebook, because I find blogging more real. So here goes...

Day One

(15 Facts)

1. I'm smarter than people think I am.
2. I'm more sensitive than I let on.
3. I miss my family more than anything.
4. I live life without regret.
5. My anger controls me more than I'd like.
6. I'm scared of being alone.
7. I was born on a Friday 13th.
8. I WILL be a police officer.
9. I drink Diet Pepsi like there's no tomorrow.
10. I trust no one...
11. ...Sometimes not even myself.
12. I'm addicted to tattoos.
13. I have a poor self-image.
14. I have a deathly-irrational fear of public speaking.
15. I highly believe in karma. The good and the bad.

February 15, 2011

Love. Happy V-Day. The Single Way...

This was the first Valentines in almost seven years that I was single. Usually I would've been bothered or depressed about it, but for once I was completely fine. I realized that being single is a blessing. I'm no longer with the wrong person and I can finally focus on myself and what it is I find important without having to worry about others and their problems. I spent the day at school and the night with a really good friend who I've known for ten years. He's always been there for me and I couldn't of asked for a better person to spend the "holiday" with.

I'm gonna keep this short so I just want to wish everyone a Happy Valentines Day. Whether single or madly in love with someone. I hope everyone's day was incredibly special and meaningful. 

Love comes in many forms...

...being single doesn't change that.

February 12, 2011

Quotes for an eternity...

So I'm finally going to make my quote page. I have a long Blah Blah Blah description on the actual page itself, so I will try my hardest to keep this short and sweet (and be as least redundant as possible. ha. try being the keyword).

I have an obsession with quotes and things that I hear that have some kind of impact on my life at that present moment. I immediately write them down or text them to myself to record in a notebook that I have later on. This has been going on for years and years and it's becoming a hobby that somehow keeps me sane and occupied.

I have decided to combine the ones that I like/love the best (if i put them all down I'd be sitting here typing until the end of the next millennium) onto their very own page on my blog. I would love to hear what everyone else's favorite quotes are (this part is completely redundant, if not word for word) and what inspires you.

It amazes me how a few simple words put together in a sentence can make the shittiest day a great day and lift my spirits right back up and remind me that there is a reason for everything.

Well, I see this is getting a little long and I'm getting incredibly repetitive so I will leave it at this. Enjoy the quote page and I hope to hear from you.

"Life may not be what we hoped for...

...but while we're here we should dance."

February 11, 2011

Boredom prevails...

Coolest cell phone I've ever seen. And applies to the danger of my new discovery.

So I'm sitting here messing with my computer like I always do when I'm putting off doing my homework and I somehow discovered a way to send blog posts via my cell phone. Others have probably already figured this out so I apologize for being behind the rest of you fancy people.

This may be a dangerous finding because now, when I'm lying awake late at night, with all the thoughts running through my head that are keeping me from sleeping, I will be able to send them to my blog to be posted.

The danger in this situation comes from the fact that when I'm thinking late at night there is absolutely NO filter on what I say. This should be interesting.

The cure for boredom is curiousity...

...there is no cure for curiousity.

If you like Pina Coladas...

So this is a Lava Flow, but same thing. Just take away the strawberry sauce.

So far today has been great. Woke up with a pina colada in my hand. Can't get much better than that. Unless I had a box of 20's in the other. Wishful thinking on that one.

I used to listen to "if you like pina coladas" by Rupert Holmes every time I'd take a drive down to Santa Cruz, Monterey, Capitola, or Carmel. And today seems like a perfect day to take a little drive. What a great frickin' day.

"Yes I like pina coladas...

...and getting caught in the rain."


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February 10, 2011

A bar room ain't no place to run and hide...

So some may have noticed that I changed my background and what not... There of course is a reason as with me there is always a reason. I'm full of 'em.

This blog thing started out as a way for me to vent my frustrations and heart aches about my break up with Jonny and the loss of my best friend... While I still use this as a way to vent my frustrations and heart aches this blog has now grown into so much more than that.

The title, SHE BELIEVED, has stayed the same because it still applies in every shape and form possible. It has now become much more universal and has meaning towards more than just that one person.

There have been recent events with family that have made me view my life and what exactly it is I find most important. I have been able to reflect on many things and rearrange my priorities. I have always thought of family as the people that I am related to by blood. I grew up with the thought that no matter what, your family would always be there through thick and thin. People who will love you for ever and always. Someone to fall back on when times get hard. Well how wrong I was.

A lot of things have happened in the past few months that have brought a lot of perspective to the reality I live in. I no longer believe that family only includes people that you are related to by blood. I believe now that family means people who are there for you no matter what, regardless of relation.

So once again a belief of mine has been shot to shit and I have been proven wrong. But that's okay. I now know who I care about and who cares about me. For better or worse.

I continue to believe in myself and the things that matter. And to the people who are no longer a part of my life, good riddance. I'm just glad that I was able to see the true/real you so early in my life. I live in the real world with real people who don't bull shit just because they're too scared to tell the truth and own up to their shit.

I must stop here because I feel my anger surfacing slowly but surely, and that is going to be saved for a different post with content that definitely will not be suited for anyone who is offended easily by foul language and mass amounts of negativity and verbal violence.

But anyways... I continue my journey through life, learning along the way, about the good and the bad... I continue to believe in things regardless of the negative aspects in my life that keep popping up at the most inopportune times... But that's life. And I've learned to accept that things that I cannot change (I've attended too many AA meetings).

So until next time...

I will continue to believe...

...until someone proves me wrong.

February 1, 2011

It's difficult to know where you're going, if you don't know where you came from...

Photo: Lightning striking next to large red rock
Took this picture from National Geo's website. Absolutely amazing.

I've decided to make a blog based on the months occurrences. This way I won't ever forget the big things that happened nor will I forget the little things that made me smile.

Playlist of January 2011

  • Gone by Montgomery Gentry
  • What do you think about that by Montgomery Gentry
  • Roll with me by Montgomery Gentry
  • Fray by Staind
  • Need you now (remix) by Lady Antebellum
  • My kinda party by Jason Aldean
  • Quicksand by Bethany Joy Galeotti
  • The more I drink by Blake Shelton
  • I shall believe by Sheryl Crow

Accomplishments of  January 2011

  • Letting go
  • Moving
  • Starting a new semester with high hopes and good intentions
  • Started an exercise routine that I plan on keeping
  • Finally received closure

Grievances of January 2011 to forever be let go

  • Family troubles
  • People talking in circles without any truth
  • Bad Karma
  • All the petty things
  • My home that I have lived in for 7yrs (but will start a new with better memories)

Plans for February 2011

  • Make new memories everywhere I go
  • Cleanse my soul
  • Continue taking daily pictures to capture those important moments in life
  • Make money
  • Get good grades
  • Celebrate some friends birthdays
  • Get a new tattoo
  • Celebrate Valentines Day with those I love most
  • Remember the loss of a loved one (R.I.P. Uncle Larry 2/13)
  • Keep my head held high
  • Continue living life

To read a poem in January...

...is as lovely as to go for a walk in June