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| My bulletin board of pics throughout the years |
I am addicted to pictures. I am addicted to taking them, posting them, and looking at them. I love having pictures of my family from every special event and even random moments when someone just happened to have a camera.
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| Jason, Kristen, and Me |
I also hate pictures. I hate looking at the happy moments I had with my family. I hate having to be reminded that everyone was happy once upon a time. I hate seeing all the smiling faces of the loved ones who have long since passed.
I hate having my heart break into a million little pieces because I no longer have family to talk to. I miss them more than they know and more than I'm willing to ever admit.
I was going to post something about this a while ago, but I knew that I shouldn't until my anger subsided to the point of where I could at least control it. A lot of things happened between certain family members and the consequences have been detrimental. I don't miss certain people and I for sure as hell don't miss the people we've all become. But I do miss certain people and the way they used to be.
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| Me and Dad |
Every night I spend a few hours scanning pictures into my computer so I can upload them onto various picture sites and then save them on my flash drive. Every night I hold back the tears of anger, hurt, pain, and solitude that I feel when I look at all the happy faces. Every night I think of how it used to be and how much I wish it could be again. Every night I pray that I'll wake up the next morning and it will have all been a horrible nightmare.
Every morning I wake up...
...and realize that the nightmare is just beginning.
Few of my Favorite Pictures:
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| Grandma's backyard... |
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| Me and Ashley at Aunt Connie's... |
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| Me and Jason Christmas '05 |
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| Me and Jason in Santa Cruz... |
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| Me and Jason out in the Midwest |
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| Our Tents and Transportation |
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| Proud Great Uncle and Great Auntie holding Jason |
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| Jason building forts... |
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