Numb...

I feel numb. Literally, figuratively, all "ly's". Today has been a day of ups and downs starting with my pouring an entire cup of coffee down my stomach then trying to carry ten things at once and dropping my house keys before getting the door open. Things got better for a little while, I mean, it is my day off so there has to be some good to come of today, but then they went back to shit. I don't really feel like going into all of it right now because I am still a little too pissed off and I need to calm down before expressing my feelings through the written word, but yeah... Back to the numbness. In order to try and calm myself down and collect my thoughts I decided to go on a drive. I've explained in the past how driving helps me clear my head and ultimately make me forget the bull shit and relax. Tonight I went on a drive. In 57 degree weather with all the windows rolled down driving on the freeway in a tank top and shorts. As crazy as that all sounds, it definitely helped clear my mind. But also made me completely numb. I'm going to keep this post short and sweet because as I thaw out I'm starting to feel my anger build back up and I don't need that to happen again. There are so many things on my mind I haven't had time to sort through it all. I'm going to lose it pretty soon. With that said, I will definitely be posting some more rants and raves on here in the near future. (I know I said that a while ago, but I got busy with work. Yes, I actually have a real job. Crazy madness.) To those of you who still actually read this thing, thanks for being there for me through all my insanity and I hope y'all have a fabulous night!


Sometimes you are falling so slowly...

...you don't notice until you hit the ground.

...If you don't control your temper, your temper will control you...

Reflection...

So it's been a while since I've actually posted something other than those "picture challenge" things. And there's a reason for that. I don't like feeling vulnerable. I hate it. I don't like having my guard down, letting people in and seeing the real me, and giving people the opportunity to take advantage of me. So with that said, things have been interesting lately. I feel as though nothing is going right. Of course there's the money troubles which still hasn't gone away, and then there's the issue of my new living situation, and worst of all is my thoughts that keep me trapped inside my own head day in and day out. I'm trying to take a page out of Camilla's book, (click on her name and it will take you to her blog in case you've never read it. In which you should.), and have decided to try and think positively. She makes a very valid point. If you think in the negative then you will feel in the negative and everything around you will be negative. It's funny how your thoughts and emotions control the outcome of your life.  It's been difficult lately to not think that I'm regressing instead of progressing. I've been told by multiple people that I'm definitely moving forward, but it's hard for me to see it that way. I guess it's just been a really morbid and depressing week, what with going to different cemeteries and visiting most of my dead relatives (7 of them to be exact). That will take a toll on your mind and soul. Plus driving the 10hr round trip to go to one of the cemeteries then coming home to once again become stuck inside of my own head. I'm making it my mission to not only think positively, but act positively. We'll see how this goes. Maybe I need to start blogging on a regular basis again instead of only doing those picture challenges. Which, by the way, I totally enjoy and a new one is about to start up tonight or tomorrow. I hope everyone has a great week and a very Happy Easter!

Eddie, Uncle Larry, Aunt Buddy...

God is cruel...

...sometimes he makes us live.

Day Twenty-Two... (Sad)

The first time I heard this song was on an episode of One Tree Hill. The episode was of Haleys moms funeral service. I have never cried so hard in my life because of a television show. I actually ran into my parents house and straight to my moms bedroom bawling my eyes out telling her how much I love her. So my pick for the saddest song is "I shall believe" by Sheryl Crow.

I shall believe

But the song I listen to when I'm sad is "Quicksand" by Bethany Joy Galeotti, who just so happens to play the aforementioned Haley on One Tree Hill.

Quicksand