Everyone needs a little Feeny...

So I've been watching Boy Meets World the past few days and I have decided that everyone needs a little Mr. Feeny in their lives. The show may be a little corny, but I don't care. The moral messages throughout each episode and the advice given by one mentioned Mr. Feeny, makes me smile inside and out. Work has been stressful lately, especially since the holidays (holidays in retail = ah!!!) and Boy Meets World has given me a reason to smile these past few nights. Thank you Mr. Feeny for the advice given in each episode and making me feel better with each watched episode. I really think the world would be a better place if we all had a little Mr. Feeny in our lives.

Smile...

So I'm still here. It seems as though I've dropped off the face of the earth, and honestly that's what it's felt like recently. I've been meaning to blog more but I guess that backfired on me completely and I haven't blogged at all. I know I said I was going to remedy this, but I haven't had to the want or drive to do so lately. Today I woke up with a smile. Turned out to be one of the best days I've had in years. And it wasn't as if anything special happened. I didn't win big money, get a great start to my career, graduate college, or figure out the meaning of life. Today I spent time with old friends. A friend from high school, a friend from my crazy years, and a friend from my childhood. It feels good to get out sometimes and be with those who you haven't seen in a long time that make you smile, laugh, and ask yourself why the hell you've been living in a cave for so long. Today was amazing because I got to laugh, relive great memories, feel love and friendship and compassion and most importantly feel good about myself and my life. I don't know if I'll start blogging on a more constant basis, and I don't want to make that promise, but I wanted to blog about this day because I want to be able to look back on a day that isn't going so great and read this and remember that there are good days out there to be had. All it takes is a smile.


If you can't laugh...

...the days are just too long

Day Twenty-Five... (Laugh)

The song that makes me laugh the most is "Brown Chicken Brown Cow" by Trace Adkins. A lot of people might not get the hole brown chicken brown cow meaning, but if you do, this song is fucking hilarious and the music video makes it that much better!

Brown Chicken Brown Cow

"Shucking those dirty work clothes off...

...singing brown chicken brown cow..."

Trace Adkins

Day Sixteen... (Inspiration)

My Mom holding me...

I find my mom to be the most inspiring person I know. There are so many reasons that this woman is someone whom I look up to. She has been through so much in her life and has never wavered or taken a wrong path. She is the most honest and respectful person I've ever known. She has suffered through a lot of horrible things, seen many horrific events, and had to deal with me for many years. I can't comprehend how she did it all without falling off the beaten path, like I myself did a few too many times. I look up to her and some day hope that I will have the strength, independence, work-ethic, and smarts that she has. God already knows I have her personality down to a T.

I love you so much Mommy...

...Thanks for being such an inspiration in my life.

Quotes for an eternity...



So I'm finally going to make my quote page. I have a long Blah Blah Blah description on the actual page itself, so I will try my hardest to keep this short and sweet (and be as least redundant as possible. ha. try being the keyword).

I have an obsession with quotes and things that I hear that have some kind of impact on my life at that present moment. I immediately write them down or text them to myself to record in a notebook that I have later on. This has been going on for years and years and it's becoming a hobby that somehow keeps me sane and occupied.

I have decided to combine the ones that I like/love the best (if i put them all down I'd be sitting here typing until the end of the next millennium) onto their very own page on my blog. I would love to hear what everyone else's favorite quotes are (this part is completely redundant, if not word for word) and what inspires you.

It amazes me how a few simple words put together in a sentence can make the shittiest day a great day and lift my spirits right back up and remind me that there is a reason for everything.

Well, I see this is getting a little long and I'm getting incredibly repetitive so I will leave it at this. Enjoy the quote page and I hope to hear from you.

"Life may not be what we hoped for...

...but while we're here we should dance."

New Beginning...

My Year in 2010

I'm not really one for making resolutions because for me they don't tend to stick. I'm a very cynical person who likes to go against the grain and social rules as much as possible so bear with me and my bitchiness. There are a lot of things that I would like to change, call them resolutions if you'd like, but I call them life decisions in order to better myself. They are as follows...

• Get my ass in shape
• Graduate with my A.S. degree in AJ
• Move on to obtaining my Bachelors in AJ or Law
• Remove all of the poisonous people from my life who only cause me pain and large amounts of drama and stress
• Not have a kidney stone ever again
• Help my parents in every way I can (especially to not lose the house)
• Get a job that actualy pays decent money
• Apply at SJPD
• Respect myself and not let others attempt to bring me down
• Work on my anger issues
• Go to the Garlic festival in Gilroy
• Travel on a train for the first time
• Reinstate Scary Movie Night
• Learn Spanish again before it completely vacates my brain
• Appreciate the things I have in life
• Live, Laugh, Love

The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year...

...It is that we should have a new soul.

Guess we're not kids anymore... (Dear Jason)

Throughout our entire childhood we were best friends. Inseperable. Joined at the hip. You had my back ("Carolyn's a good girl") and I in turn always had yours. You taught me everything I know about life, guns, hockey, fishing, camping, all outdoor things. Hell, at one point you helped teach me how to ride a bike. I spent every waking minute possible hanging out with you. You were my world. My best friend. My partner in crime. My cousin.

Somewhere along the way everything changed. That was the day my soul broke. My heart shattered. And I forgot what life is supposed to be.

Now I don't blame you, I dont blame myself, I don't blame anyone. People grow up and grow apart. I just never thought that day would come. I know that I've talked to you about this before and you're trying and so am I, but it doesn't make the pain go away.

I wish I still had that best friend who always had my back. That best friend who I could call and talk to about anything. That shoulder to cry on when no one else would understand. I feel alone in the world with no one/where to turn to. I don't know how to fix the way that I feel and I can't go back and change anything that I've done. I can only stop myself from doing anymore damage in the future. I just don't think I can do it alone anymore.

I lost my best friend of 14yrs to dishonesty, back stabbing, and adultery with my bf. After that I lost all faith in people. I stopped trusting, believing, and caring for that matter. I don't want to be that person anymore. But I don't know how to move on.

I go through photo albums quite often and look at all the pictures of the family through the years. In the early years we were always together. So happy. Full of love and kindness and understanding. I miss those days. I will never forget those days. I know we can't go backwards, but if continuing on without you is my only option I don't think I'm strong enough.

I want you back in my life as more than just my cousin I see every now and then. Don't get me wrong I know that you're busy a lot and have your own life and so do I. But I want my best friend back. I want to be able to call you when I've had a bad day and have someone understand and be able to talk me off the ledge. I want you to be able to confide in me because more than anything I want to be there for you too when you're in need of a good venting. I just want it all back.

Well this turned into more of a letter than I was going for. Guess once I started I couldn't stop myself from letting it all out. It has taken me years to get this all out so it's been a long time coming. Just know that I love you. And I miss you. And a lot of times I need you.

We lived our lives together...in the beginning
We were there for each other... in the beginning
We shared our thoughts, feelings, and love with each other... in the beginning

But I guess we're no longer....

...in the beginning


(Love, Carolyn)