Four Months...

First off I'd like to say that April is a very important month to me. It's Sexual Assault Awareness Month. So for many obvious reasons this means a lot to me and I'd like to thank everyone out there who puts in the time an effort to help fight for the cause.

Now with that said, I posted this a few months back (actually in April) but somehow it was deleted and only that first portion was saved. I'm going to keep that first paragraph there because it is important to me that that statement remain. Instead of redoing the month of April and then making one for May, June, and July, I have decided to make a group post combining all four months into one which will help me catch back up.

So, here goes...


ACCOMPLISHMENTS APRIL-JULY 2011

• Got myself a job at Radioshack
• Sold my first 3 cell phones
• Took my car in to get fixed
• Received closure over certain issues I've been dealing with
• Made new friends and reconnected with old ones
• I'm blonde again!

GRIEVANCES APRIL - JULY 2011

• Still haven't gotten my car back
• Need to sell more cell phones and service plans
• Haven't yet squashed all bull shit with family
• Not posting enough on my blog
• Still haven't received closure from a broken friendship

PLAYLIST APRIL - JULY 2011
I have discovered so much new music in the past four months that instead of writing down each individual song I'm going to simply write down the artist.

• Trace Adkins
• Jason Aldean
• Jason Derulo
• Katy Perry
• Blake Shelton
• Kelly Rowland
• Montgomery Gentry
• Prince

BIRTHDAYS APRIL - JULY 2011

• Erica, April
• Carolyn, April (Death in May)
• Mommy, June
• Jeffrey, July
• Aunt Dawn, July
• Dad, July
• Grammy, July
• Sean, July

(If I left you out of the birthday list, I apologize, I'm trying to remember for the past four months so forgive me.)

PHOTO MEMORIES APRIL - JULY 2011

Never iron a four-leaf clover... you don't want to press your luck... (March)

Shows watched in March 2011

• E.R.
• Law and Order SVU
• Boy Meets World

 Movies watched in March 2011

• No Escape
• Bullworth
• Ransom
• White Men Can't Jump
• Simply Irresistible
• Working Girl
• Patriot Games
• Cop Out
• Easy A

Playlist of March 2011

• Lonely and Gone - Montgomery Gentry
• What was I thinkin' - Dierks Bentley
• Trying to Survive - by Montgomery Gentry
• Clouds - Montgomery Gentry
• Country Boy - Aaron Lewis
• Deify - Disturbed
• Overburdened - Disturbed
• Bad for Good - Montgomery Gentry

Birthdays of March 2011

• Ashley - 21 March 5
• Kristen - 21 March 9
• Uncle Woody March 10
• Me - 24 March 13
• Papa March 15

Accomplishments of March 2011

• 97% on my Police Report Writing midterm
• Made a plan to eat healthy (or at least try to)
• Finally got my hair cut... to most this might seem like a minor thing, but for me it was an accomplishment since I hadn't had it cut in over a year and some of the money came out of my own pocket
• Didn't lose my temper a single time this month
• Gained more clarity about certain situations
• Have learned to live with what I got not what I want
• Turning 24

Grievances of March 2011

• Death of Grandma (March 3rd)
• The flushing of my cell phone
• No family reconciliation
• Found out I'm possibly diabetic (so pre-diabetic)
• Still haven't finished moving. Holy Hell.

Books

The Green Mile (All six volumes) - Stephen King
One for the money - Janet Evanovich
Running Man - Stephen King
Roadwork - Stephen King
Two for the dough - Janet Evanovich

Photo Memories of March 2011

R.I.P. Grandma

Amazing birthday card Aunt Dawn made for me...

The one surviving item of my poor flushed phone...

Margaritaville blender we used for my birthday to make pina coladas...

I'm no longer blonde... and it's really weird...

My birthday soda from my dad...

"Spring is natures way of saying...

...Let's party!"

Robin Williams

Day One... (Me)

My good friend Brianna started doing this 30 day picture challenge on Facebook. I thought it sounded like something fun to do, and would definitely help pass the time when I have nothing else going on. I'd rather do it on my blog than on Facebook, because I find blogging more real. So here goes...



Day One

(15 Facts)

1. I'm smarter than people think I am.
2. I'm more sensitive than I let on.
3. I miss my family more than anything.
4. I live life without regret.
5. My anger controls me more than I'd like.
6. I'm scared of being alone.
7. I was born on a Friday 13th.
8. I WILL be a police officer.
9. I drink Diet Pepsi like there's no tomorrow.
10. I trust no one...
11. ...Sometimes not even myself.
12. I'm addicted to tattoos.
13. I have a poor self-image.
14. I have a deathly-irrational fear of public speaking.
15. I highly believe in karma. The good and the bad.

It's difficult to know where you're going, if you don't know where you came from...



Took this picture from National Geo's website. Absolutely amazing.









I've decided to make a blog based on the months occurrences. This way I won't ever forget the big things that happened nor will I forget the little things that made me smile.

Playlist of January 2011

• Gone by Montgomery Gentry
• What do you think about that by Montgomery Gentry
• Roll with me by Montgomery Gentry
• Fray by Staind
• Need you now (remix) by Lady Antebellum
• My kinda party by Jason Aldean
• Quicksand by Bethany Joy Galeotti
• The more I drink by Blake Shelton
• I shall believe by Sheryl Crow

Accomplishments of  January 2011

• Letting go
• Moving
• Starting a new semester with high hopes and good intentions
• Started an exercise routine that I plan on keeping
• Finally received closure

Grievances of January 2011 to forever be let go

• Family troubles
• People talking in circles without any truth
• Bad Karma
• All the petty things
• My home that I have lived in for 7yrs (but will start a new with better memories)

Plans for February 2011

• Make new memories everywhere I go
• Cleanse my soul
• Continue taking daily pictures to capture those important moments in life
• Make money
• Get good grades
• Celebrate some friends birthdays
• Get a new tattoo
• Celebrate Valentines Day with those I love most
• Remember the loss of a loved one (R.I.P. Uncle Larry 2/13)
• Keep my head held high
• Continue living life

To read a poem in January...

...is as lovely as to go for a walk in June

Musical Turbulence...



This is my dad. Hard to believe if you've met him. But yes, my dad.



I know I haven't been around lately and I apologize for my absence, but sadly this post is about nothing special and I won't be around for a little while longer due to the large amount of things that are happening right now. But anyways... I digress.

This post is totally random and was brought up in a topic of conversation the other day with my friend and I thought I'd write a post about it. Everyone, especially these days, listens to music almost constantly. From what I gather, most people have a different song or genre of music they listen to depending on their mood.

No one believes me when I say that I have a SPECIFIC song for each individual mood I may be in. And no one believes me when I say that I listen to practically anything as long as it touches my soul. I grew up listening to country, Motown, 60's and 70's pop/bubblegum music from my mom; old country from my grandma; classic rock, blue grass, soul/blues from my dad; alternative and rock from my uncle; and of course the pop music from my childhood/peers. I personally lean more towards country on a regular basis, but like I said, it depends on my mood. I even have a song picked out that I want to be played at my funeral/memorial service.

People that know me extremely well can tell exactly what mood I'm in just by listening to the song that I have blasting out of my speakers. I like my tunes LOUD.

So if you are ever stuck with me and there happens to be a stereo around and you want to know exactly how I'm feeling here's a key list to figuring it out:

Content: Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd
Happy: World Spins Madly On by The Weepies
Ecstatic: My Kinda Party by Jason Aldean
Pissed: Fray by Staind
Angry: Tourniquet by Marilyn Manson
Depressed: I Shall Believe by Sheryl Crow
Dead (funeral song): The Chain by Fleetwood Mac
Lonely: It's Getting Better All the Time by Brooks and Dunn
Pity Party: 23 by Jimmy Eat World
Excited: Need You Now by Lady Antebellum (Dance Remix)
Fun/Joyful: I Got Drunk by Montgomery Gentry
Confused/Out of it: House of the Rising Sun by The Animals
2am: The Mixed Tape by Jacks Mannequin
I also have songs that remind me of something or someone that affected me greatly at one point in my life...

When my cat Mooshu died: 13 Angels by Corrosion of Conformity
When my mom's cat Julie died: Deadwood Mountain by Big and Rich
When Nancy and I would go to Santa Cruz to get away from the boys: Dragula by Rob Zombie
Uncle Lee: anything by Sade
Aunt Buddy: Somewhere Over the Rainbow (the Hawaiian version)
Max: Colorblind by The Counting Crows
Uncle Larry: Now You're Talkin' by Montgomery Gentry
Jonny: The More I Drink by Blake Shelton

Well I hope this post is enjoyed and you have learned more about me and my moods. I'm a very complex person and sometimes I confuse myself. Until next time...






Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole...

...flows from heaven to the soul.

New Beginning...

My Year in 2010

I'm not really one for making resolutions because for me they don't tend to stick. I'm a very cynical person who likes to go against the grain and social rules as much as possible so bear with me and my bitchiness. There are a lot of things that I would like to change, call them resolutions if you'd like, but I call them life decisions in order to better myself. They are as follows...

• Get my ass in shape
• Graduate with my A.S. degree in AJ
• Move on to obtaining my Bachelors in AJ or Law
• Remove all of the poisonous people from my life who only cause me pain and large amounts of drama and stress
• Not have a kidney stone ever again
• Help my parents in every way I can (especially to not lose the house)
• Get a job that actualy pays decent money
• Apply at SJPD
• Respect myself and not let others attempt to bring me down
• Work on my anger issues
• Go to the Garlic festival in Gilroy
• Travel on a train for the first time
• Reinstate Scary Movie Night
• Learn Spanish again before it completely vacates my brain
• Appreciate the things I have in life
• Live, Laugh, Love

The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year...

...It is that we should have a new soul.

2010: The year in full...

I have taken this idea of writing about all of the things (whether good or bad) that have happened over the past year from someone I have known my whole life. I want to dedicate this post to Camilla. She has been such an inspiration to me in more ways than one. If it wasn't for her and the things she so boldly and delicately writes about I wouldn't have had the courage or motivation to do so myself. I have found writing a blog, regardless of whether or not anyone reads it, has been incredibly helpful to me in many ways. The biggest way is that I can express how I feel without fear, get all of my feelings out in the open, and I don't have to worry so much about flying off the handle and losing my temper. So, Camilla, thank you for being such an inspiration to me and I'm sure many many others; and thank you for being such a wonderful person. I'm glad that we have reconnected in some way (through facebook or blogging). It was a joy to be your friend growing up and it's just as much if not more of a joy and enthrallment to have you as a friend now after so many years. So here's to you, Camilla, and all of my other readers... Happy New Year! and enjoy reading about my year in 2010...

• Opened the year in an abusive relationship surrounded by drugs and dishonest people
• Learned the meaning of a true friend
• Lost a loved one, a best friend, and the love of my life
• Gained new respect and understanding for myself and the world in which I live
• Received A's in my classes
• Am that much closer to fulfilling my dreams of being a police officer
• Learned how to shoot a gun
• Reconnected with old friends and family
• Dealt with the toughest times I've ever faced but continue to power through
• Got five different jobs after being unemployed for two years
• Won the battle of good versus evil in my own head
• Quit smoking and stopped all forms of drug intake
• Continued to develop my cooking skills
• Visited Cottonwood for the first time and saw everyone's head stones
• Alphabetized my movies (over 520 of them)
• Cleansed myself of all of the poisonous things and bad karma in my life
• Took as many pictures as possible to capture all the moments
• Turned 23 and had a jump house
• Went camping and was attacked by ninja raccoons
• Discovered Palo Alto has a zoo
• Only had two kidney stones instead of the normal five/year
• Made new friends that I actually trust and respect
• Closed the year with self respect, people I love and that are loyal, and have a new outlook on what's important and what exactly it is that I want

I haven't done many elaborate amazing things in my life, but I have come a long way from where I was at the beginning of the year. There have been many obstacles in the past 365 days and it has been a giant struggle to get through them. I am sure there are many more obstacles and problems to come, but I will continue to do my best to make it through and helping those I love along the way. So I welcome 2011 with open arms and hope it brings about happiness and tranquility for everyone out there.




The bad news is time flies...

...the good news is you're the pilot


HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Stupid Scantrons...

Yes, it is LEGOS. I love lego's, so this image is perfect considering the police content.

Well tis the season of finals starting this week. My brain is on overdrive. I think I have consumed all the caffeine the world has to offer. And sleep is no longer an option at this point. I'm going to use the blog post as a kind of pensieve (Harry Potter reference, yes, I know) and get rid of some space that's being taken up by unnecessary things.

First off I need to make a list of the things I need to do that aren't school related:

1. Give away books to goodwill.
2. Give away clothes to the American Cancer Center.
3. Do laundry.
4. Gas up the car.
5. Watch more Golden Girls.
6. Find some socks because my feet are freezing.
7. Find the Labor Board office.

Secondly I need to write down my FINALS in order so I don't get confused:

1. Organized Crime
2. Counseling (Lifestyles)
3. Jobs in Law Enforcement
4. Guns, Firearms, Weapons

And Lastly:

1. I need to frickin' sleep.
2. Pass my finals.
3. Sleep some more.


Well I feel much better now that I have relieved myself of some of these inane thoughts. Back to studying I guess. Or maybe time to do a puzzle. I swear I have the attention span of a goldfish right now.


Well hell fire and save matches...

...fuck a duck and see what hatches

The Road to Hell is paved with Adverbs...



"Read sometimes for the story, Bobby. Don't be like the book snobs who won't do that. Read sometimes for the words - the language. Don't be like the play-it-safers that won't do that. But when you find a book that has both a good story and good words, treasure that book."
(Stephen King, Hearts in Atlantis)




I have loved reading ever since I picked up my first book. I find it very important for people to read not only because it makes you smarter and builds up your vocabulary, but it's a great way to expand your imagination and lets you get lost in a whole other world...

When I don't want to be in my reality I grab a book and get lost in its reality. I love Stephen King more than life itself not just for the genre but what he writes makes me think. It's deep. And meaningful. And words can't explain the way I feel when I'm done reading one of his books. Plus they are usually insanely creepy which is a definite bonus. I have always loved writing stories, essays, and even personal things such as blogs... Stephen King in my opinion is an amazing writer and I admire his talent...

I have decided to make a list of books that I must read before the year ends. Just like my taste in music, my taste in books is eclectic and strange. So here goes...

1. The Tommyknockers (Stephen King)
2. The Stand - Unedited version (Stephen King)
3. Insomnia (Stephen King. My favorite)
4. Harry Potter 1-7 (J.K. Rowling)
5. Gone With the Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
6. Scarlett (Margaret Mitchell)
7. The World According to Mr. Rogers (Fred Rogers)
8. Mein Kampf (Adolf Hitler)
9. The Story of My Life (Helen Keller)
10. Dead Souls (Nikolai Gogol)
11. A Farewell to Arms (Ernest Hemingway)
12. Night (Elie Weisel. I read this at least once a year.)

I know that the year is almost over and this seems like a huge amount of books to read, but like i said, reading is important and I want to read as much as I can. If anyone is looking for a great list of books to read the best website I've found is http://www.listology.com/ . Well off I go. Have a lot of reading to do...

Alone. Yes, that's the key word, the most awful word in the English tongue. Murder doesn't hold a candle to it and hell is only a poor synonym...
 (Stephen King)

...Now tell me that didn't make you think

When I Grow Up...



When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life.
When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I wrote down "happy."
They told me I didn't understand the assignment
and I told them they didn't understand life.

• I want to be a sexual assault detective and help victims not just legally but emotionally...
• Own my house that I live in now so I can not only cherish my childhood memories but relive them every day...
• Be a person of great character that people not only respect but enjoy being around...
• I want to have children whether they are biological or adopted because no matter what they will be mine to love forever...
• I want to teach an English class...
• Have my own library filled with every book worth reading...
• Have built my own playground... For adults... Slides, Swings, Monkey Bars, etc. I want to remind my generation of what it means to feel free...
• I want to go sky diving so I can see the world the way loved ones see it from Heaven...
• Swim with sharks... and not in a cage...
• Travel to Denmark to learn more about my heritage...
• Learn to tap dance like Shirley Temple...
• Gamble at a casino just so I can hear someone say "winner winner chicken dinner"... of course I have to actually win first...
• I want to drive an army tank...
• I want to drive an actual nascar car... then my nickname would actually have real meaning...
• Visit all the lighthouses around the world. (ever since our Girl Scout overnight trip i've become in love with them)
• Make someone smile if only for a moment...
• I want to meet Brooks and Dunn and let them know how inspiring their twenty years of music was to me...
• I want to visit LegoLand...
• I want to thank all of the military people for everything they've done for us everyday...
• I want to feel good about myself and the decisions that I've made...
• Play soccer again...
• I want to inspire someone the way others have inspired me...
• I want to be as smart, independent, and strong like my parents...
• Put on my ballet shoes and dance one more time...
• Meet a real cowboy... and maybe fall in love with him...
• Have no regrets...
• Believe in myself and the good in people...
• Release myself of all grudges I have... Life is just too damn short...

When I Grow Up...

...I want to be me