Stand Up Revolution...

So I went to Thunder Valley Casino the other night. First time ever at a casino, however, there was no gambling and I actually didn't go inside the casino. We were across the street at the outdoor amphitheater. I thought it would be fun to take my mom and aunt to see Gabriel Iglesias. Boy, was I beyond right. Not only was it Gabriel Iglesias, but it was a bunch of comics from Comedy Centrals Stand Up Revolution. It was the best night I have had in so long, I have no words. Thank you to my mom and aunt for coming along on this wonderful little trip and I can't wait to do it again next year.

(Once the show started pictures were absolutely NOT allowed. Gabe did all new material and asked out of respect for none of it to be recorded in any way until the special comes out. So all I have are a few pics from right before.)

(Martine walked by me two times and I couldn't help myself but yell out, "Martiiiiinnnneee!")

And of course I can't share any of these pictures because my phone is a piece of shit and I have yet to figure out how to get them from the phone to the computer. I swear, my "dumb" phone is so much easier to operate then my supposed "smart" phone.

Suffice it to say, pics to come later!

Easy as 1, 2, 3...

I know every time, once in a blue moon, that I actually get on here and post something, saying that I promise to post more often it never happens. I know there is an app that would enable me to blog from my phone, but let's be honest... using a tiny keyboard on my phone compared to a normal sized keyboard on an actual computer/laptop is not as easy as 1, 2, 3 for someone with big ass fingers like mine. One of these days I will actually take the time to get on here and write about the comings and goings of my life, but until then, I appreciate those who still check in every now and then to see if anything new has been said.

Loves to all,

Carolyn

A picture is worth a 1000 words...

Some of the goings on from the end of 2011...

My awesome co-worker Zane...

Our little Christmas area...

Yay! I love my hat...

Jason starting his "3min Christmas tree decorating"

Yeah Buddy...

Thank you Mario...

Thank you Aunt Dawn...

It's so cute...

A word to the wise...



 I feel as though all I do now is get on here and write a blog about how I'm still here, I'm so busy, and I plan on writing more in the near future. Obviously I haven't fulfilled this goal of mine and obviously I'm here to write the same thing over again about still being here, being busy, and planning on writing more in the near future. I apologize to any of you (if there are any) who read this and have been waiting or have lost patience and have abandoned all hopes of me ever posting another blog. I hope in the very near future I will blog a lot more because God knows I have a shit load on my mind a lot that needs to be said. I will say one thing, I blog for me. If anyone takes anything away from what I write and uses it to their own benefit, that's awesome. I love helping people, relating to people, making people feel better and all that stuff... BUT I don't do this for people to go around having conversations about and make speculations. If you want to tell others about my blog because you think it's interesting and they should read it then by all means do so. But do NOT go around running your mouth about anything I say in here because you're "worried" about me or because you "assume" I said something that I didn't. I'm an adult and I think I have proven that time and time again as well as if you have something to say than you damn well better say it to my face. Nothing pisses me off more than people thinking I'm some little kid and when I say something "scandalous" my mom needs to be informed about it right away. Give me a fucking break. Everyone is more than welcome to leave comments (whether positive or negative) and I will respond. I will NOT tolerate people running their mouths about me without talking to me about it first. I have a huge problem with people who are too scared to confront me and go around letting gossip come from their loose lips. I know I'm talking in circles ranting and raving like a lunatic, but this shit has been pissing me off for some time now (basically since I started blogging). It's one of the main reasons I've been hesitant to write anything recently. Like I said before, I'm blogging for me. I love for people to read what I write whether you like what I have to say or not. But I don't need to feel as though I'm being judged for the things I say because I don't want to have to restrain myself from saying all the things that I want/need to say. If you think this is directed towards you, than that's your first mistake. Don't make assumptions. This blog post is directed to multiple people and the population in general. I hope y'all will continue to read my blog and that more and more people will start reading it as well.

I'm always going to be who I am...

...so quit trying to stop me.

Numb...

I feel numb. Literally, figuratively, all "ly's". Today has been a day of ups and downs starting with my pouring an entire cup of coffee down my stomach then trying to carry ten things at once and dropping my house keys before getting the door open. Things got better for a little while, I mean, it is my day off so there has to be some good to come of today, but then they went back to shit. I don't really feel like going into all of it right now because I am still a little too pissed off and I need to calm down before expressing my feelings through the written word, but yeah... Back to the numbness. In order to try and calm myself down and collect my thoughts I decided to go on a drive. I've explained in the past how driving helps me clear my head and ultimately make me forget the bull shit and relax. Tonight I went on a drive. In 57 degree weather with all the windows rolled down driving on the freeway in a tank top and shorts. As crazy as that all sounds, it definitely helped clear my mind. But also made me completely numb. I'm going to keep this post short and sweet because as I thaw out I'm starting to feel my anger build back up and I don't need that to happen again. There are so many things on my mind I haven't had time to sort through it all. I'm going to lose it pretty soon. With that said, I will definitely be posting some more rants and raves on here in the near future. (I know I said that a while ago, but I got busy with work. Yes, I actually have a real job. Crazy madness.) To those of you who still actually read this thing, thanks for being there for me through all my insanity and I hope y'all have a fabulous night!


Sometimes you are falling so slowly...

...you don't notice until you hit the ground.

How Long Gone...

Explanation coming soon...

Damn... it's been a long time. I'm not even going to go through the whole apology thing since I seem to be disappearing lately and reappearing weeks later. Things have been so crazy lately in my life that I haven't had any time or energy to do any blogging. But I'm back! I hope. I have so much to catch up on and I hope I can do so very soon. This is a pre-warning that some of my near future posts may have to do with things that have happened in the last few months while others may have to do with things that happened earlier this week. So stay tuned 'cause a whole shit load of blogs shall be coming your way very soon.

Thanks for hanging in there with me throughout this crazy journey we call life...

...Loves to all, Carolyn

p.s. Happy 4th to everyone! Hope no one got burned...

Photography Day One... (Me)

Okay. So I know I started the Movie challenge and didn't follow through on it, but I decided that it just isn't the right time to go through with that challenge. So I have decided to switch gears. I'm going to do the photography challenge. This challenge takes more thought than simply finding pictures on the internet. This challenge will not only give me something to do when I'm bored, but it may bring inspiration and beauty into my every day life. So here's to day one... A picture of me...

...If you don't control your temper, your temper will control you...

Reflection...

So it's been a while since I've actually posted something other than those "picture challenge" things. And there's a reason for that. I don't like feeling vulnerable. I hate it. I don't like having my guard down, letting people in and seeing the real me, and giving people the opportunity to take advantage of me. So with that said, things have been interesting lately. I feel as though nothing is going right. Of course there's the money troubles which still hasn't gone away, and then there's the issue of my new living situation, and worst of all is my thoughts that keep me trapped inside my own head day in and day out. I'm trying to take a page out of Camilla's book, (click on her name and it will take you to her blog in case you've never read it. In which you should.), and have decided to try and think positively. She makes a very valid point. If you think in the negative then you will feel in the negative and everything around you will be negative. It's funny how your thoughts and emotions control the outcome of your life.  It's been difficult lately to not think that I'm regressing instead of progressing. I've been told by multiple people that I'm definitely moving forward, but it's hard for me to see it that way. I guess it's just been a really morbid and depressing week, what with going to different cemeteries and visiting most of my dead relatives (7 of them to be exact). That will take a toll on your mind and soul. Plus driving the 10hr round trip to go to one of the cemeteries then coming home to once again become stuck inside of my own head. I'm making it my mission to not only think positively, but act positively. We'll see how this goes. Maybe I need to start blogging on a regular basis again instead of only doing those picture challenges. Which, by the way, I totally enjoy and a new one is about to start up tonight or tomorrow. I hope everyone has a great week and a very Happy Easter!

Eddie, Uncle Larry, Aunt Buddy...

God is cruel...

...sometimes he makes us live.

Day Thirty... (Time of Year)

This time of year is usually when I'm making my musical transition from country to more rock/heavy metal. This year I found a new song, well new to me, that works perfectly for this transition. "That was Yesterday" by Wynonna Judd. This song is so amazing it gives me goosebumps everytime I hear it. And the story she tells before singing the song makes it that much better.


That was yesterday

"'Cause I was your woman...

...but you threw me away..."

Wynonna Judd

Day Twenty-Nine... (Childhood)

Hands down "Beat it" by Michael Jackson is the song that reminds me most of my childhood. Jason and I would play this song and "dance" to it by putting on knee length socks, running full speed through the kitchen, jump down the stairs, and slide on the family room carpet landing in a pile of pillows. These are memories that I will always treasure and never forget.

Beat it

Day Twenty-Four... (Funeral)

I've had this planned out for a while. You may think it's morbid, but in my family when someone dies we like to put together a compilation of songs to remember that person. I want "The Chain" by Fleetwood Mac to be playing at my funeral. I have specific instructions for how it needs to be played.  I want everyone attending to show up blasting that song out of the loudest speakers you can get for a car with the bass so loud you think there's an earthquake happening.

The Chain

"And if you don't love me now...

...you will never love me again."

Day Twenty-Three... (Wedding)

At my wedding, (if I ever have one), I want "When I said I do" by Clint Black and Lisa Hartman Black to be playing. But only from speakers connected to a CD player of some kind. I don't want any band or any live music. My wedding will be low key with friends and family, and a BBQ and beer. Plain, simple, and fun. But this is a beautiful song and will be the one and only corny moment allowed at my wedding.

When I said I do

"When  I said I do I meant that I will...

til the end of all time be faithful and true..."

Day Fifteen... (Description)

There are two songs that describe my life. The first song is "Blow Away" by Staind and the second is "What do you think about that" by Montgomery Gentry.


Blow Away

"I wish that I could disappear...
...unzip my skin and leave it here..."

Staind


What do you think about that

"I don't give a damn what other people think...
...what do you think about that..."

Montgomery Gentry

Never iron a four-leaf clover... you don't want to press your luck... (March)

Shows watched in March 2011

• E.R.
• Law and Order SVU
• Boy Meets World

 Movies watched in March 2011

• No Escape
• Bullworth
• Ransom
• White Men Can't Jump
• Simply Irresistible
• Working Girl
• Patriot Games
• Cop Out
• Easy A

Playlist of March 2011

• Lonely and Gone - Montgomery Gentry
• What was I thinkin' - Dierks Bentley
• Trying to Survive - by Montgomery Gentry
• Clouds - Montgomery Gentry
• Country Boy - Aaron Lewis
• Deify - Disturbed
• Overburdened - Disturbed
• Bad for Good - Montgomery Gentry

Birthdays of March 2011

• Ashley - 21 March 5
• Kristen - 21 March 9
• Uncle Woody March 10
• Me - 24 March 13
• Papa March 15

Accomplishments of March 2011

• 97% on my Police Report Writing midterm
• Made a plan to eat healthy (or at least try to)
• Finally got my hair cut... to most this might seem like a minor thing, but for me it was an accomplishment since I hadn't had it cut in over a year and some of the money came out of my own pocket
• Didn't lose my temper a single time this month
• Gained more clarity about certain situations
• Have learned to live with what I got not what I want
• Turning 24

Grievances of March 2011

• Death of Grandma (March 3rd)
• The flushing of my cell phone
• No family reconciliation
• Found out I'm possibly diabetic (so pre-diabetic)
• Still haven't finished moving. Holy Hell.

Books

The Green Mile (All six volumes) - Stephen King
One for the money - Janet Evanovich
Running Man - Stephen King
Roadwork - Stephen King
Two for the dough - Janet Evanovich

Photo Memories of March 2011

R.I.P. Grandma

Amazing birthday card Aunt Dawn made for me...

The one surviving item of my poor flushed phone...

Margaritaville blender we used for my birthday to make pina coladas...

I'm no longer blonde... and it's really weird...

My birthday soda from my dad...

"Spring is natures way of saying...

...Let's party!"

Robin Williams

Day Seven... (Rememberance of Certain Event)

Son's Gonna Rise

I don't really have a certain event such as graduation, a funeral, a wedding, a party, or anything substantial like that that a certain song reminds me of. The one event that sticks out most in my life that a song has any representation of would be "Son's Gonna Rise" by Citizen Cope. The first time I heard this song, it was by accident. I didn't know that it was on my mp3 player. To this day I still don't know how the song got on there, but when I heard the song, driving in my car at 1am, all of a sudden everything seemed to make sense. It was the biggest moment of clarity and serenity I had ever had. Plus, it turns out, it's just a great damn song. And it was on my favorite show, One Tree Hill.

"You can't stop it God...

...the wheels in my hand as I stand on the floor of the board of this car on the road."

Citizen Cope

Day Five... (Rememberance Song of Someone)

I have two rememberance songs. One for remembering the deaths of loved ones and the other for remembering the loss of people whom I used to love.

The first song I listen to whenever someone dies. I don't know why I listen to it, it makes me sad and depressed, but it also makes me feel better in a way, and calms me down. This song is "13 Angels" by Corrosion of Conformity.

13 Angels

One lifetime gone and now your soul is dead...

...the angels just shake their heads.

Corrosion of Conformity

The second song reminds me that in the end everything will work out and shit happens for a reason. This song is "Getting Better All the Time" by Brooks and Dunn.

My men. I cried during their entire farewell concert...

It's getting better all the time

"I think I'm gonna make it 'cause God won't make a mountain I can't climb...

...it's getting better all the time."

Brooks and Dunn

Day Twenty-Nine... (Smile)

3/17/11 Driving through Los Gatos with Glowsticks

This picture makes me smile because, honestly, who doesn't love glowsticks? This was taken after my cousin's 18th birthday party and I decided to go driving through downtown Los Gatos at 11pm. We had glowstick bracelets, necklaces, anklets, hats, balls, and an earring that I made. A totally great night. One that I'll never forget.

"Life is something that everyone...

...should try at least once."

Henry J. Tillman

Day Twenty-Eight... (Fear)

Day Twenty Eight... This picture is supposed to represent something that I'm afraid of. For this day I choose a picture of being alone. I am most afraid of being alone. I have had separation anxiety for many years now because of certain things I've gone through in my life. I'm scared that I am going to end up either completely alone, no family or friends, or I'll end up as that crazy cat lady who sits on the porch yelling at little kids all day. Hahaha. That option just cracks me up. But really, being alone scares the shit out of me.

3/16/11

I am not alone...

...because loneliness is always with me.

Day Twenty-Seven... (Family Member)

Todays picture is supposed to be of myself and a family member. That's easy...     (3/15/11)

Janelle, Tanya, Josh, Aunt Connie, Uncle Gaylon, Grandma, Mom, Jason, Me, Brandi

Ashley and Me

Me and Aunt Buddy

Me and Dad

Grandma, Bobo (the dog from hell), and Me

Me and Great Grandma

Jason and Me

Me and Uncle Lee

A family is a patchwork of personalities...

...tied together with heart strings.

Day Twenty-Six... (Meaningful)

3/14/11 Hoping this will be my next project

So today's picture is supposed to be of something that means a lot to me. Not someone, but something. So an inanimate object... hmm... I guess I would have to say my most meaningful something is... (oh man, this is so hard. I have so many things that I love and cherish)...  I'm gonna have to go with my sewing. My Grammy taught me how to sew when i was 10-11 years old and it's something that has stuck with me my whole life. I turned little sewing projects into huge pieces of art. And I am so frickin' Anal Annie when it comes to my sewing.