Photography Day Twenty-One... Stranger Danger.

Um. Today is supposed to be a picture of someone I don't know. I know there is a way to do this artistically and make it look all pretty and shit, but to me it's just creepy and I don't want to look as though I'm stalking someone taking a random photo. So I'm going to go the relative route. When you think about it, how well do you really know someone? You don't. So with that said I decided to take a picture of someone I do "know" but yet is still a mystery all the same...

Jonny passed out. Fucking stoner...

Using a picture of Jonny was the more than obvious way to go for me. We were together for over 2yrs, I've known him since I was 16, and yet there has never been someone to surprise me as much as he has. And not in a good way. Like I said, how well do you really ever know someone?

Day Ten... (Messed up)

I have gotten rid of all of my friends. It's sad sometimes, but in the end it was definitely the better choice. I used to do a lot of crazy and mostly illegal things. I basically lived the rock star life of sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. I have probably met every police officer in Santa Clara County, (I have NEVER been arrested nor do I have any sort of record expunged or otherwise), and with where I want to end up in life, the choices I was making just weren't working for me. The person I did the most messed up things with was Jonny. Hands down. Ever since he has left my life I no longer get into trouble of any kind, I no longer meet law enforcement officers for being in trouble, and everything I do is legal (except for maybe downloading music illegally every now and then). I miss the way my life used to be, I miss the parties and the excitement and never knowing what was going to happen from one minute to the next, but I for sure as hell am glad that I got away from all of that shit. No one thought that I could do it. No one wanted me to do it. I used to be a good person and I'm so glad that I found my true self again.

"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do...

...but to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's the true strength."

-Unknown

Day Two... (Closest)

This was the hardest day out of the 30 in my opinion. The assignment is to post a picture of the person you've been closest to the longest. The problem with that is the person I've been closest to the longest is either dead or dead to me. A lot has happened over the past few years. The death of a family member more often then one would believe, the loss of a best friend due to unforseen circumstances, and the betrayal of my closest family that can never be forgiven, and some relationships that have just faded away over the years. Other than my mom (and sometimes my dad) my good friend Nancy (from high school) would have to be the closest person to me. Her and I had some major ups and downs over the years, mainly because of me, but in the end she has always been there for me. For this I will always treasure our friendship.

My dad and I. Teaching me Giants are #1

Nancy using me as a pillow after playing Marvel V. Capcom for 10hrs straight.

Me, Ashley, Jason, Kristen

Me and Jason

Elliot, Me, and Jonny

Ashley and Me

So here's a look at some of the people that have come and gone (very few have stayed) closest to me in my life. I don't have any pictures of my beautiful mother with me on my computer, so that's the only reason she's being left out and I hope she will forgive me for that. Sorry Mom! Even though most have come and gone, I wouldn't trade those precious moments for anything. The good and/or the bad. All the moments in my life have made me who I am today. And I don't regret any of it.

So thank you for being a part of my life...

...even if only for a minute.

A bar room ain't no place to run and hide...

So some may have noticed that I changed my background and what not... There of course is a reason as with me there is always a reason. I'm full of 'em.

This blog thing started out as a way for me to vent my frustrations and heart aches about my break up with Jonny and the loss of my best friend... While I still use this as a way to vent my frustrations and heart aches this blog has now grown into so much more than that.

The title, SHE BELIEVED, has stayed the same because it still applies in every shape and form possible. It has now become much more universal and has meaning towards more than just that one person.

There have been recent events with family that have made me view my life and what exactly it is I find most important. I have been able to reflect on many things and rearrange my priorities. I have always thought of family as the people that I am related to by blood. I grew up with the thought that no matter what, your family would always be there through thick and thin. People who will love you for ever and always. Someone to fall back on when times get hard. Well how wrong I was.

A lot of things have happened in the past few months that have brought a lot of perspective to the reality I live in. I no longer believe that family only includes people that you are related to by blood. I believe now that family means people who are there for you no matter what, regardless of relation.

So once again a belief of mine has been shot to shit and I have been proven wrong. But that's okay. I now know who I care about and who cares about me. For better or worse.

I continue to believe in myself and the things that matter. And to the people who are no longer a part of my life, good riddance. I'm just glad that I was able to see the true/real you so early in my life. I live in the real world with real people who don't bull shit just because they're too scared to tell the truth and own up to their shit.

I must stop here because I feel my anger surfacing slowly but surely, and that is going to be saved for a different post with content that definitely will not be suited for anyone who is offended easily by foul language and mass amounts of negativity and verbal violence.

But anyways... I continue my journey through life, learning along the way, about the good and the bad... I continue to believe in things regardless of the negative aspects in my life that keep popping up at the most inopportune times... But that's life. And I've learned to accept that things that I cannot change (I've attended too many AA meetings).

So until next time...

I will continue to believe...

...until someone proves me wrong.

Reason

The reason for why I decided to name my blog S(HE)  BE(LIE)VE(D) was because that's what brought me to where I am today. I didn't make this blog so I can cry about what I've lost and wish I could go back and do things differently. No. I made this blog so I can remember the good, the bad, and what made me who I am today.

I've lost many things and many people in my life. Mostly for the better. I did believe. He did lie. To clarify he was a drug addict/alcoholic/compulsive liar who not only slept with my neighbor, cousin, some random chick, but also my best friend of 14yrs. Some of you may know who she is. But it doesn't matter.

I believed in the good in people. I believed everyone deserved a second chance. I believed karma would bring you the joy and happiness you deserved if you were bringing joy and happiness to the world yourself. He lied and showed me there isn't good in people. He lied and showed me no matter how many chances I give he will never change. He lied and showed me that karma will bite you on the ass for the smallest infidelity no matter the amount of good.

I went through a lot in the three years I was with him and those people. I stopped believing. I stopped believing in the human race. I stopped believing in my friends. I stopped believing in my family. I stopped believing in myself.

In the end it became me who was lying. I lied to myself about who he really was. I lied to myself about how a best friend would never do that to me. I lied to myself that I didn't care. I lied to myself that I wasn't worth it.

I digress...

Today I no longer lie. I only believe. I believe that I am worth it. I believe that I can do whatever I set my mind to. I believe that I will finish school, finish the academy, and follow my dreams and become a police officer. I believe that I can help people. I believe that one day I will have faith and trust again. Most importantly I believe in myself and will never let that be taken away again.

This blog is about strength, passion, understanding, and the ability to move on and do things for yourself/myself, and not letting anyone bring you/me down. I believe in following my dreams, living my life to the fullest, and doing what I want to do.

He did lie...

...but I still believe.