Photography Day Two... Room with a view...

Today is supposed to be a picture of the view from my bedroom window. Since I don't want anyone knowing where I live for personal reasons, I am using a picture from my old bedroom window. Plus I love the picture since it's all rainy and I love my car and miss it dearly.

Random Ramblings...

So I have been awake for almost 24hrs and not by choice. I have so many things on my mind that I need to get some of it off of my mind before I will even be able to close my eyes and think about sleep. So here goes with the most random thoughts...

1. I'm so tired of people asking me for my advice when they just turn around and go the complete opposite direction; and then complain about it because the outcome wasn't what they wanted.

2. This storm that's going on right now is freaking me out. I've always had this fear that the palm tree next door is going to crash through my wall and kill me. I HATE that palm tree. Not only do the stupid palm frawns fly off and hit my roof during stormy weather, but in the summer the squirrels like to climb up the tree and fuck (yes I said fuck) all day long while making this ear piercing squeaking noise. Stupid frickin' palm tree.

3. I can't get passed the pain that I'm feeling in my wrist. That I've been feeling in my wrist for well over a month. It really sucks not having medical insurance and not being able to find out if my wrist is broken. But i'll deal. Except the tiger balm is starting to make my eyes water because I accidentally rubbed it off onto my pillow. Whoops.

4. The possibility that I might be diabetic is scaring the living shit out of me. I've never had anything wrong with me to that extent and I just don't know how to feel about it.

5. The walls are finally starting to close in on me. The loneliness is creeping into my brain and my heart at a faster pace than ever before. I think it's just that time of  year when everything starts to unravel in my head and I think about all the losses in life and not having someone to talk to like I used to has just made it that much more difficult.

6. I want my package from amazon to arrive. I love getting birthday gifts. Especially when they consist of books and movies.

7. So much homework to do. I can't stop thinking about the different kinds of gun shot wounds, stab wounds, DNA evidence, livor and rigor mortis, and strangulations. (Lovely stuff I know. But that's what happens when you want to be a police officer).

Well, I guess that'll do for now. Hopefully this will help in relaxing my mind and get rid of the migraine I've been dealing with for three months. I guess I shall attempt sleep. Time to dream of sugar plum fairies dancing or whatever.

"I'm not asleep...

...but that doesn't mean I'm awake."

A.W.O.L. ...



Inside a hot-air balloon. Why? 'Cause it's amazing...



So I have performed a disappearing act lately. I have fallen far behind on my 30 Days posts and all other random things I normally talk about and I would like to apologize for my absence (not only to the few who read this blog, but also to myself for allowing all of my emotions and thoughts to once again bottle up inside of me. Things have been crazy lately with my birthday, the flushing of my cell phone down the toilet, and studying for finals. I promise to return shortly, and will be updating my 30 Days posts. (I'm what, seven days behind?) Hope everyone is doing well and enjoying this insanely awesome sunny then rainy weather (at least here in the Bay).

Do not fear that your life may end...

...fear that it may never begin.

If you like Pina Coladas...

So this is a Lava Flow, but same thing. Just take away the strawberry sauce.

So far today has been great. Woke up with a pina colada in my hand. Can't get much better than that. Unless I had a box of 20's in the other. Wishful thinking on that one.

I used to listen to "if you like pina coladas" by Rupert Holmes every time I'd take a drive down to Santa Cruz, Monterey, Capitola, or Carmel. And today seems like a perfect day to take a little drive. What a great frickin' day.


"Yes I like pina coladas...

...and getting caught in the rain."

Not waiting around for the storm to pass...

I posted on here saying how this blog is to be used as a way of gaining strength. Being empowered to do anything, and try and shed some light on the things that seem most negative in life. I however am not a very positive, strong, empowered individual. Well, at least not all the time.

Life has taught me that it's not always going to be full of sunshine and rainbows. There will always be obstacles you must face whether you want to or not. For this is where i draw my strength from in knowing that whether or not I feel prepared to face something head on I have no choice but to go forth and do so. With that said, there are the days where I feel as though I am nothing. I have nothing, and I will never be able to have anything.

Today has started out as one of those days. A few years ago I started dating someone who I was completely and madly in love with. He was a drug addict/alcoholic. I supported him in every way I thought possible which included going to AA meetings with him on a daily basis. I myself am not really one for drinking so my attending these meetings was purely for moral support. Or at least that's what I thought.

I have met a lot of people in my life. The diversity is astonishing, not just in race and religion, but also in class (lower,middle, upper). At these meetings I met this man who had lost everything. His house, his friends, his family, his dauther, his hope, and his will to live. He turned to the bottle and the needle to try and fill that void we all sometimes feel. It of course didn't help. This man lives under a bridge in campbell with a few other people. They sleep next to each other for maximum warmth. He doesn't ask for money, ever, and when I tried to give him some he actually paid me back the next day from money he got from the recycling center. (I in turn spent the money on getting him coffee and some chips and a pack of smokes).

But the point is this man, who has no home, no family, lost all legal ability to see his daughter, made me understand the value of life. He told me "how would you know the good days if you didn't have the bad ones." That simple sentence coming from someone who once had given up hope on life and everything else changed the way of my thinking ever since.

So yeah, today has been an incredibly shitty day. Hell, this past year has been incredibly shitty. I may not always be strong, empowered, and have a cheery disposition. But I do know that having a bad day means eventually I'll have a good one and I'll actually know for a fact that it's good.
If anyone actually reads these things that I post, I want you to know it's okay to have a shitty day/week/month/year. Because eventually you'll have that one day that will be worth having had to put up with all those shitty ones to begin with. Negativity is a part of life. But without the negative there wouldn't be a positive.

So today I'm not waiting for the storm to pass...

...I'm learning how to dance in the rain

beauty is in the eye of the driver...

My "job" combines my favorite things.. Driving and listening to music at high speeds. I am so grateful that I don't have to sit in traffic everyday on the freeway getting frustrated and dreading my entire day. I get to drive through the mountains surrounded by redwoods at 50mph everyday blasting my country music.
I think more people should take the time to take a little drive or even a hike through the forest from time to time. Nothing is more soothing and gives you a more natural high than being out in the open wilderness.
So I would like to thank the people that hired me to do such a wonderful job. Not only do I get paid with cash, but I get paid with beauty and tranquility everyday.