Don't Call it a Comeback...

I'm back...

Damn. It's been a long time. Guess I got caught up in life. Which I guess can be good and bad depending on how you look at it. 2011 was a crazy year to say the least. I can't believe how many things have happened this past year. 2011 was definitely a year full of downs which  I never thought would turn into ups, but, the ups did occur. I lost my best friend, the love of my life, and a few family members in a short period of time and to top it off I quit smoking (almost two years now) and both of my parents were hit hard by the economy and its issues.I was told I had a vitamin D deficiency and that I might be diabetic. My arthritis continues to get worse even though I'm not even 25 yet and every day I wake up with a migraine. In all hoensty I never thought it was going to get better. With every passing day nothing seemed to be getting better, but boy was I wrong. I got a few odd jobs which got me out of my "cave" i so frequently isolated myself in and put a little cash in my pocket. The cash in my pocket grew to be enough money to pay for the fixes needed on my car. I had never felt more like a real person then I did when i paid for my car ($1100) with my own hard earned money. Not long after I was hired at Radioshack which is where I am still working to this day (seven months and counting. That's a record for me). Even with things starting to look up I was more stressed than ever. Money was tight. Really tight. Scary tight. I would go to bed every night and pray to God that there would be some solution to help us keep our house. I wouldn't care if I had nothing left in this world but the clothes on my back and a few good memories to keep me going, but I didn't want my parents to lose something tha they worked their entire lives to achieve. If it wasn't for certain family members and friends, we would've lost everything. And we almost did. I only make so much working a minimum wage job and only have so much to give. Then the BEST news came. My moms social security came through. It was as if an anvil had been lifted off my chest and I could finally breathe again. Every month when the bills are due it's still a struggle but I have my faith restored that we'll be able to make it through. I don't wake up every morning wondering if I'm going to have a place to live the next day.

2011 may have started off on a sour note...

...but it for sure as hell ended on a sweet one.

A word to the wise...



 I feel as though all I do now is get on here and write a blog about how I'm still here, I'm so busy, and I plan on writing more in the near future. Obviously I haven't fulfilled this goal of mine and obviously I'm here to write the same thing over again about still being here, being busy, and planning on writing more in the near future. I apologize to any of you (if there are any) who read this and have been waiting or have lost patience and have abandoned all hopes of me ever posting another blog. I hope in the very near future I will blog a lot more because God knows I have a shit load on my mind a lot that needs to be said. I will say one thing, I blog for me. If anyone takes anything away from what I write and uses it to their own benefit, that's awesome. I love helping people, relating to people, making people feel better and all that stuff... BUT I don't do this for people to go around having conversations about and make speculations. If you want to tell others about my blog because you think it's interesting and they should read it then by all means do so. But do NOT go around running your mouth about anything I say in here because you're "worried" about me or because you "assume" I said something that I didn't. I'm an adult and I think I have proven that time and time again as well as if you have something to say than you damn well better say it to my face. Nothing pisses me off more than people thinking I'm some little kid and when I say something "scandalous" my mom needs to be informed about it right away. Give me a fucking break. Everyone is more than welcome to leave comments (whether positive or negative) and I will respond. I will NOT tolerate people running their mouths about me without talking to me about it first. I have a huge problem with people who are too scared to confront me and go around letting gossip come from their loose lips. I know I'm talking in circles ranting and raving like a lunatic, but this shit has been pissing me off for some time now (basically since I started blogging). It's one of the main reasons I've been hesitant to write anything recently. Like I said before, I'm blogging for me. I love for people to read what I write whether you like what I have to say or not. But I don't need to feel as though I'm being judged for the things I say because I don't want to have to restrain myself from saying all the things that I want/need to say. If you think this is directed towards you, than that's your first mistake. Don't make assumptions. This blog post is directed to multiple people and the population in general. I hope y'all will continue to read my blog and that more and more people will start reading it as well.

I'm always going to be who I am...

...so quit trying to stop me.

Four Months...

First off I'd like to say that April is a very important month to me. It's Sexual Assault Awareness Month. So for many obvious reasons this means a lot to me and I'd like to thank everyone out there who puts in the time an effort to help fight for the cause.

Now with that said, I posted this a few months back (actually in April) but somehow it was deleted and only that first portion was saved. I'm going to keep that first paragraph there because it is important to me that that statement remain. Instead of redoing the month of April and then making one for May, June, and July, I have decided to make a group post combining all four months into one which will help me catch back up.

So, here goes...


ACCOMPLISHMENTS APRIL-JULY 2011

• Got myself a job at Radioshack
• Sold my first 3 cell phones
• Took my car in to get fixed
• Received closure over certain issues I've been dealing with
• Made new friends and reconnected with old ones
• I'm blonde again!

GRIEVANCES APRIL - JULY 2011

• Still haven't gotten my car back
• Need to sell more cell phones and service plans
• Haven't yet squashed all bull shit with family
• Not posting enough on my blog
• Still haven't received closure from a broken friendship

PLAYLIST APRIL - JULY 2011
I have discovered so much new music in the past four months that instead of writing down each individual song I'm going to simply write down the artist.

• Trace Adkins
• Jason Aldean
• Jason Derulo
• Katy Perry
• Blake Shelton
• Kelly Rowland
• Montgomery Gentry
• Prince

BIRTHDAYS APRIL - JULY 2011

• Erica, April
• Carolyn, April (Death in May)
• Mommy, June
• Jeffrey, July
• Aunt Dawn, July
• Dad, July
• Grammy, July
• Sean, July

(If I left you out of the birthday list, I apologize, I'm trying to remember for the past four months so forgive me.)

PHOTO MEMORIES APRIL - JULY 2011

Numb...

I feel numb. Literally, figuratively, all "ly's". Today has been a day of ups and downs starting with my pouring an entire cup of coffee down my stomach then trying to carry ten things at once and dropping my house keys before getting the door open. Things got better for a little while, I mean, it is my day off so there has to be some good to come of today, but then they went back to shit. I don't really feel like going into all of it right now because I am still a little too pissed off and I need to calm down before expressing my feelings through the written word, but yeah... Back to the numbness. In order to try and calm myself down and collect my thoughts I decided to go on a drive. I've explained in the past how driving helps me clear my head and ultimately make me forget the bull shit and relax. Tonight I went on a drive. In 57 degree weather with all the windows rolled down driving on the freeway in a tank top and shorts. As crazy as that all sounds, it definitely helped clear my mind. But also made me completely numb. I'm going to keep this post short and sweet because as I thaw out I'm starting to feel my anger build back up and I don't need that to happen again. There are so many things on my mind I haven't had time to sort through it all. I'm going to lose it pretty soon. With that said, I will definitely be posting some more rants and raves on here in the near future. (I know I said that a while ago, but I got busy with work. Yes, I actually have a real job. Crazy madness.) To those of you who still actually read this thing, thanks for being there for me through all my insanity and I hope y'all have a fabulous night!


Sometimes you are falling so slowly...

...you don't notice until you hit the ground.

How Long Gone...

Explanation coming soon...

Damn... it's been a long time. I'm not even going to go through the whole apology thing since I seem to be disappearing lately and reappearing weeks later. Things have been so crazy lately in my life that I haven't had any time or energy to do any blogging. But I'm back! I hope. I have so much to catch up on and I hope I can do so very soon. This is a pre-warning that some of my near future posts may have to do with things that have happened in the last few months while others may have to do with things that happened earlier this week. So stay tuned 'cause a whole shit load of blogs shall be coming your way very soon.

Thanks for hanging in there with me throughout this crazy journey we call life...

...Loves to all, Carolyn

p.s. Happy 4th to everyone! Hope no one got burned...

Congrats to the Grads...

It's scary how fast time seems to fly by the older you get. The last two weeks was spent going to graduation parties for my youngest cousins. It freaks me out that the youngest people in my family, two people whom I remember being born have now graduated high school. It's like a big smack in the face and a huge reality check to me that I'm not getting any younger. It brings about those "meaning of life" type questions for me and the "what the hell am I doing with my life" discussions I tend to have with myself in the wee hours of the morning. I'm so proud of my cousin Jessica for graduating and deciding to attend Fresno State and pursue her nursing dream. And I'm proud of my cousin Josh for graduating from Leigh (my nightmare of a high school) and attending the same lovely college as me. I love how completely different my two worlds are when it comes to different groups of family. Jessicas party was all about her friends and making sure the alcohol kept flowing while Joshs party was about family, food, and good times. I loved both parties equally in most respects, but I will admit that Joshs party won because of glowsticks. I LOVE glowsticks. I think all parties should at one point have a huge glowstick free for all for all the adults. Even though I'm not exactly where I'd like to be in my life at this point, I'm glad to know that I still have family and friends all around me that can continuously put a huge shit-eatin' grin on my face.

Yes, I'm wearing glowstick earrings, glasses, bracelets, necklaces, headband, and a wand.
You know you're jealous. hahaha.

Yay Josh!

The Grad Boy...

Janelle's adorable creations...
...and delicious.

Jessica cradling her baby, Jose.

The Grad Girl.

Bro v. Sis Beer Pong...
...it's on bitches.

Time passes by...

...people move on.

Photography Day Twenty-Nine... Look at me.

Today's pic: Something reflective. First thing that comes to my mind for something reflective is a mirror. This is a pic of Kristen taking a pic of partly the ocean in Carmel, but also of herself taking a pic of herself (never ending).

Good times...

Photography Day Twenty-Four... Patterns.

Todays challenge is supposed to be a picture of an interesting pattern. I'm not sure how interesting this pattern actually is especially in comparison to the reason for why I took the picture to begin with. Long story short, there was a Grad party, lots of booze, and I had my camera phone. (Another reason why I haven't posted anything lately since I've been out of town). But anyways... Back to the pattern...

Photography Day Sixteen... ABC's.

Today is brought to by the letter L. Okay, for real, today's challenge is supposed to be of letters (not mail). I though long and hard about this because I guess I just don't have the artistic photographic gene in my DNA and I'm apparently not that great at coming up with awe-inspiring things. But hey, I'm doing my best and having fun with it. So for today I chose pictures of some of my tattoos. They have letters that symbolize relatives who have either passed or as a general I-love-you-so-I-permanently-embedded-my-body-with-a-foreign-substance.

First off, I'm not racist. This has nothing to do with the lighting bolts that the German officers had. These two S's represent both of my parents last names and some other family members. Still, Selvage, and Serritslev.

My very first tattoo. I got it in honor of my Uncle Larry (RIP). It still isn't yet finished but it serves it's purpose for now.

Photography Day Thirteen... Home is where the heart is.

A picture of my favorite building. That would be my house. My home. The place where I grew up and intend to raise my children. It may not look like much from the outisde, but you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover.

Photography Day Six... Colleagues...

Considering I work alone with no colleagues this day proved to be a little difficult. With that said, I chose to use a picture from a while back of me and one of my former colleagues a.k.a. my cousin, Ashley. We worked at Bakers Square together back in '07. It's scary to think about how long ago that was. But anyways...

How times have changed...

Never iron a four-leaf clover... you don't want to press your luck... (March)

Shows watched in March 2011

• E.R.
• Law and Order SVU
• Boy Meets World

 Movies watched in March 2011

• No Escape
• Bullworth
• Ransom
• White Men Can't Jump
• Simply Irresistible
• Working Girl
• Patriot Games
• Cop Out
• Easy A

Playlist of March 2011

• Lonely and Gone - Montgomery Gentry
• What was I thinkin' - Dierks Bentley
• Trying to Survive - by Montgomery Gentry
• Clouds - Montgomery Gentry
• Country Boy - Aaron Lewis
• Deify - Disturbed
• Overburdened - Disturbed
• Bad for Good - Montgomery Gentry

Birthdays of March 2011

• Ashley - 21 March 5
• Kristen - 21 March 9
• Uncle Woody March 10
• Me - 24 March 13
• Papa March 15

Accomplishments of March 2011

• 97% on my Police Report Writing midterm
• Made a plan to eat healthy (or at least try to)
• Finally got my hair cut... to most this might seem like a minor thing, but for me it was an accomplishment since I hadn't had it cut in over a year and some of the money came out of my own pocket
• Didn't lose my temper a single time this month
• Gained more clarity about certain situations
• Have learned to live with what I got not what I want
• Turning 24

Grievances of March 2011

• Death of Grandma (March 3rd)
• The flushing of my cell phone
• No family reconciliation
• Found out I'm possibly diabetic (so pre-diabetic)
• Still haven't finished moving. Holy Hell.

Books

The Green Mile (All six volumes) - Stephen King
One for the money - Janet Evanovich
Running Man - Stephen King
Roadwork - Stephen King
Two for the dough - Janet Evanovich

Photo Memories of March 2011

R.I.P. Grandma

Amazing birthday card Aunt Dawn made for me...

The one surviving item of my poor flushed phone...

Margaritaville blender we used for my birthday to make pina coladas...

I'm no longer blonde... and it's really weird...

My birthday soda from my dad...

"Spring is natures way of saying...

...Let's party!"

Robin Williams

Day Five... (Rememberance Song of Someone)

I have two rememberance songs. One for remembering the deaths of loved ones and the other for remembering the loss of people whom I used to love.

The first song I listen to whenever someone dies. I don't know why I listen to it, it makes me sad and depressed, but it also makes me feel better in a way, and calms me down. This song is "13 Angels" by Corrosion of Conformity.

13 Angels

One lifetime gone and now your soul is dead...

...the angels just shake their heads.

Corrosion of Conformity

The second song reminds me that in the end everything will work out and shit happens for a reason. This song is "Getting Better All the Time" by Brooks and Dunn.

My men. I cried during their entire farewell concert...

It's getting better all the time

"I think I'm gonna make it 'cause God won't make a mountain I can't climb...

...it's getting better all the time."

Brooks and Dunn

Day Thirty... (Missing You)

3/18/11

I miss my Uncle Larry. Todays picture was supposed to be of someone that I miss. And I miss him. I feel as though my time was cut short. There are a lot of feelings surrounding the death of my Uncle Larry that I'm still not ready to talk about even though it's been quite some time now. Maybe some day I'll be able to open up to someone and let it all out. But today is not that day. Love you Uncle Larry. Miss you.

"Parting is all we know of heaven...

...and all we need to know of hell."

Emily Dickinson

Day Twenty-Nine... (Smile)

3/17/11 Driving through Los Gatos with Glowsticks

This picture makes me smile because, honestly, who doesn't love glowsticks? This was taken after my cousin's 18th birthday party and I decided to go driving through downtown Los Gatos at 11pm. We had glowstick bracelets, necklaces, anklets, hats, balls, and an earring that I made. A totally great night. One that I'll never forget.

"Life is something that everyone...

...should try at least once."

Henry J. Tillman

Day Twenty-Seven... (Family Member)

Todays picture is supposed to be of myself and a family member. That's easy...     (3/15/11)

Janelle, Tanya, Josh, Aunt Connie, Uncle Gaylon, Grandma, Mom, Jason, Me, Brandi

Ashley and Me

Me and Aunt Buddy

Me and Dad

Grandma, Bobo (the dog from hell), and Me

Me and Great Grandma

Jason and Me

Me and Uncle Lee

A family is a patchwork of personalities...

...tied together with heart strings.