Smile...

So I'm still here. It seems as though I've dropped off the face of the earth, and honestly that's what it's felt like recently. I've been meaning to blog more but I guess that backfired on me completely and I haven't blogged at all. I know I said I was going to remedy this, but I haven't had to the want or drive to do so lately. Today I woke up with a smile. Turned out to be one of the best days I've had in years. And it wasn't as if anything special happened. I didn't win big money, get a great start to my career, graduate college, or figure out the meaning of life. Today I spent time with old friends. A friend from high school, a friend from my crazy years, and a friend from my childhood. It feels good to get out sometimes and be with those who you haven't seen in a long time that make you smile, laugh, and ask yourself why the hell you've been living in a cave for so long. Today was amazing because I got to laugh, relive great memories, feel love and friendship and compassion and most importantly feel good about myself and my life. I don't know if I'll start blogging on a more constant basis, and I don't want to make that promise, but I wanted to blog about this day because I want to be able to look back on a day that isn't going so great and read this and remember that there are good days out there to be had. All it takes is a smile.


If you can't laugh...

...the days are just too long

Musical Turbulence...



This is my dad. Hard to believe if you've met him. But yes, my dad.



I know I haven't been around lately and I apologize for my absence, but sadly this post is about nothing special and I won't be around for a little while longer due to the large amount of things that are happening right now. But anyways... I digress.

This post is totally random and was brought up in a topic of conversation the other day with my friend and I thought I'd write a post about it. Everyone, especially these days, listens to music almost constantly. From what I gather, most people have a different song or genre of music they listen to depending on their mood.

No one believes me when I say that I have a SPECIFIC song for each individual mood I may be in. And no one believes me when I say that I listen to practically anything as long as it touches my soul. I grew up listening to country, Motown, 60's and 70's pop/bubblegum music from my mom; old country from my grandma; classic rock, blue grass, soul/blues from my dad; alternative and rock from my uncle; and of course the pop music from my childhood/peers. I personally lean more towards country on a regular basis, but like I said, it depends on my mood. I even have a song picked out that I want to be played at my funeral/memorial service.

People that know me extremely well can tell exactly what mood I'm in just by listening to the song that I have blasting out of my speakers. I like my tunes LOUD.

So if you are ever stuck with me and there happens to be a stereo around and you want to know exactly how I'm feeling here's a key list to figuring it out:

Content: Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd
Happy: World Spins Madly On by The Weepies
Ecstatic: My Kinda Party by Jason Aldean
Pissed: Fray by Staind
Angry: Tourniquet by Marilyn Manson
Depressed: I Shall Believe by Sheryl Crow
Dead (funeral song): The Chain by Fleetwood Mac
Lonely: It's Getting Better All the Time by Brooks and Dunn
Pity Party: 23 by Jimmy Eat World
Excited: Need You Now by Lady Antebellum (Dance Remix)
Fun/Joyful: I Got Drunk by Montgomery Gentry
Confused/Out of it: House of the Rising Sun by The Animals
2am: The Mixed Tape by Jacks Mannequin
I also have songs that remind me of something or someone that affected me greatly at one point in my life...

When my cat Mooshu died: 13 Angels by Corrosion of Conformity
When my mom's cat Julie died: Deadwood Mountain by Big and Rich
When Nancy and I would go to Santa Cruz to get away from the boys: Dragula by Rob Zombie
Uncle Lee: anything by Sade
Aunt Buddy: Somewhere Over the Rainbow (the Hawaiian version)
Max: Colorblind by The Counting Crows
Uncle Larry: Now You're Talkin' by Montgomery Gentry
Jonny: The More I Drink by Blake Shelton

Well I hope this post is enjoyed and you have learned more about me and my moods. I'm a very complex person and sometimes I confuse myself. Until next time...






Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole...

...flows from heaven to the soul.

New Beginning...

My Year in 2010

I'm not really one for making resolutions because for me they don't tend to stick. I'm a very cynical person who likes to go against the grain and social rules as much as possible so bear with me and my bitchiness. There are a lot of things that I would like to change, call them resolutions if you'd like, but I call them life decisions in order to better myself. They are as follows...

• Get my ass in shape
• Graduate with my A.S. degree in AJ
• Move on to obtaining my Bachelors in AJ or Law
• Remove all of the poisonous people from my life who only cause me pain and large amounts of drama and stress
• Not have a kidney stone ever again
• Help my parents in every way I can (especially to not lose the house)
• Get a job that actualy pays decent money
• Apply at SJPD
• Respect myself and not let others attempt to bring me down
• Work on my anger issues
• Go to the Garlic festival in Gilroy
• Travel on a train for the first time
• Reinstate Scary Movie Night
• Learn Spanish again before it completely vacates my brain
• Appreciate the things I have in life
• Live, Laugh, Love

The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year...

...It is that we should have a new soul.

When I Grow Up...



When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life.
When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.
I wrote down "happy."
They told me I didn't understand the assignment
and I told them they didn't understand life.

• I want to be a sexual assault detective and help victims not just legally but emotionally...
• Own my house that I live in now so I can not only cherish my childhood memories but relive them every day...
• Be a person of great character that people not only respect but enjoy being around...
• I want to have children whether they are biological or adopted because no matter what they will be mine to love forever...
• I want to teach an English class...
• Have my own library filled with every book worth reading...
• Have built my own playground... For adults... Slides, Swings, Monkey Bars, etc. I want to remind my generation of what it means to feel free...
• I want to go sky diving so I can see the world the way loved ones see it from Heaven...
• Swim with sharks... and not in a cage...
• Travel to Denmark to learn more about my heritage...
• Learn to tap dance like Shirley Temple...
• Gamble at a casino just so I can hear someone say "winner winner chicken dinner"... of course I have to actually win first...
• I want to drive an army tank...
• I want to drive an actual nascar car... then my nickname would actually have real meaning...
• Visit all the lighthouses around the world. (ever since our Girl Scout overnight trip i've become in love with them)
• Make someone smile if only for a moment...
• I want to meet Brooks and Dunn and let them know how inspiring their twenty years of music was to me...
• I want to visit LegoLand...
• I want to thank all of the military people for everything they've done for us everyday...
• I want to feel good about myself and the decisions that I've made...
• Play soccer again...
• I want to inspire someone the way others have inspired me...
• I want to be as smart, independent, and strong like my parents...
• Put on my ballet shoes and dance one more time...
• Meet a real cowboy... and maybe fall in love with him...
• Have no regrets...
• Believe in myself and the good in people...
• Release myself of all grudges I have... Life is just too damn short...

When I Grow Up...

...I want to be me